Month: March 2018

!2018 – Google and Facebook surveillance you 24_7

reTwogger: 180326tko #TruthTeller

By DC

1. (link: https://www.google.com/maps/timeline?pb) google.com/maps/timeline?…

Google stores your location (if you have it turned on) every time you turn on your phone, and you can see a timeline from the first day you started using Google on your phone.

(link: 


2. This is every place I have been in the last twelve months in Ireland, going in so far as the time of day I was in the location and how long it took me to get to that location from my previous one…






3. (link: https://myactivity.google.com/myactivity) myactivity.google.com/myactivity

Google stores search history across all your devices on a separate database, so even if you delete your search history and phone history, Google STILL stores everything until you go in and delete everything, and you have to do this on all devices
4. (link: http://www.google.com/settings/ads/) google.com/settings/ads/

Google creates an advertisement profile based on your information, including your location, gender, age, hobbies, career, interests, relationship status, possible weight (need to lose 10lbs in one day?) and income.
5. Google stores information on every app and extension you use, how often you use them, where you use them, and who you use them to interact with (who do you talk to on facebook, what countries are you speaking with, what time you go to sleep at):

security.google.com/settings/secur…





6. (link: https://www.youtube.com/feed/history/search_history) youtube.com/feed/history/s…

Google stores ALL of your YouTube history, so they know whether you’re going to be a parent soon, if you’re a conservative, if you’re a progressive, if you’re Jewish, Christian, or Muslim, if you’re feeling depressed or suicidal, if you’re anorexic…


7. Google offers an option to download all of the data it stores about you, I’ve requested to download it and the file is 5.5GB BIG, which is roughly 3 MILLION Word documents (link: https://www.google.com/takeout) google.com/takeout

8. (link: https://www.google.com/takeout) google.com/takeout This link includes your bookmarks, emails, contacts, your Google Drive files, all of the above information, your YouTube videos, the photos you’ve taken on your phone, the businesses you’ve bought from, the products you’ve bought through Google…



9. Your calendar, your Google hangout sessions, your location history, the music you listen to, the Google books you’ve purchased, the Google groups you’re in, the websites you’ve created, the phones you’ve owned, the pages you’ve shared, how many steps you walk in a day…



10. Facebook offers a similar option to download all your information, mine was roughly 600mb, which is roughly 400,000 Word documents.



11. This includes every message you’ve ever sent or been sent, every file you’ve ever sent or been sent, all the contacts in your phone, and all the audio messages you’ve ever sent or been sent


 

12. Facebook also stores what it thinks you might be interested in based off the things you’ve liked and what you and your friends talk about (I apparently like the topic ‘Girl’) .


 

13. Somewhat pointlessly, they also store all the stickers you’ve ever sent on Facebook (I have no idea why they do this, it’s just a joke at this stage) 


 

14. They also store every time you log into Facebook, where you logged in from, what time, and from what device.

 


 

15. And they store all the applications you’ve ever had connected to your Facebook account, so they can guess I’m interested in politics and web and graphic design, that I was single between X and Y period with the installation of Tinder, and I got a HTC phone in November…

 


 

16. Side-note, if you have Windows 10 installed, this is a picture of JUST the privacy options with 16 different sub-menus, which have all of the options enabled by default when you install Windows 10.

 


 

17. This includes tracking where you are, what applications you have installed, when you use them, what you use them for, access to your webcam and microphone at any time, your contacts, your e-mails, your calendar, your call history, the messages you send and receive…



18. The files you download, the games you play, your photos and videos, your music, your search history, your browsing history, even what RADIO stations you listen to.



19. This is one of the craziest things about the modern age, we would never let the government or a corporation put cameras/microphones in our homes or location trackers on us, but we just went ahead and did it ourselves because fuck it I want to watch cute dog videos.



20. I got the Google Takeout document with all my information, and this is a breakdown of all the different ways they get your information.



 


21. Here’s the search history document, which has 90,000 different entries, even showing the images I downloaded and the websites I accessed (I showed ThePirateBay section to show much damage this information can do).

 


 


22. Here’s my Google Calendar broken down, showing all the events I’ve ever added, whether I actually attended them, and what time I attended them at (this part is what I went for an interview for a Marketing job, and what time I arrived at):

 


 


23. This is my Google Drive, which includes files I EXPLICITLY deleted including my resume, my monthly budget, and all the code, files, and websites I’ve ever made, and even my PGP private key, which I deleted, which I use to encrypt e-mails.

 

 

24. This is my Google Fit, which shows all of the steps I’ve ever taken, any time I walked anywhere, and all the times I’ve recorded any meditation/yoga/workouts I’ve done (I deleted this information and revoked Google Fit’s permissions).

 


 

25. This is all the photos ever taken with my phone, broken down by year, and includes metadata of when and where I took the photos.

 


 

26. Every e-mail I’ve ever sent, that’s been sent to me, including the ones I deleted or were categorised as spam:

 

 


27. And now my Google Activity, this has thousands of files, so I’ll just do a short summary of what they have:

 


28. Firstly every Google Ad I’ve ever viewed or clicked on, every app I’ve ever launched or used and when I did it, every website I’ve ever visited and what time I did it at, and every app I’ve ever installed or searched for:


29. Every image I’ve ever searched for and saved, every location I’ve ever searched for or clicked on, every news article I’ve ever searched for or read, and EVERY SINGLE google search I’ve made since 2009:


30. And then finally, every YouTube video I’ve ever searched for or viewed, since 2008:


31. I’m probably on an FBI watch-list now, so if I die in the next few months IT WASN’T AN ACCIDENT, IT WAS A SET-UP.


32. This information has millions of nefarious uses and violates multiple human rights, you’re not a terrorist? Then how come you were googling ISIS? Work at Google and you’re suspicious of your wife? Perfect, just look up her location and search history for the last ten years.


33. Manage to gain access to someone’s Google account? Perfect, you have a chronological diary of everything that person has done for the last ten years


!2018 – Old Fashioned German Potato Salad

reTwogger: 180325tko

Old Fashioned German Potato Salad

 

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Prep time

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Time to Make It

 

Old Fashioned German Potato Salad is dressed with a dijon vinegar dressing and can be served either hot or cold.

Author: Rachel Farnsworth

Yield: Serves 4 to 6

Ingredients

  • 2 pounds red potatoes, diced
  • 1 pound bacon, diced
  • 1 red onion, diced
  • ¼ cup white vinegar
  • ¼ cup olive oil
  • 2 tablespoons sugar
  • 1 tablespoon dijon mustard
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • ½ teaspoon pepper
  • ¼ cup chopped fresh parsley


Instructions

  1. Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add in diced potatoes and boil until tender, about 10 to 12 minutes. Drain potatoes and place in a large mixing bowl.
  2. Meanwhile, add bacon to a cold large skillet. Heat over medium heat and cook bacon until crisp, about 8 to 10 minutes. Remove bacon from grease and set aside, leaving grease in pan.
  3. Add red onion to grease and cook 5 minutes until onions are soft. Whisk in vinegar, olive oil, sugar, mustard, salt, and pepper until heated through, 1 to 2 minutes.
  4. Pour sauce over cooked potatoes. Toss with bacon and parsley. Serve hot, or chill to serve cold.

//———-​reTwogger: 180325tko———-

https://thestayathomechef.com/german-potato-salad/

!2018 – Intro to Amazon Marketing Private Label Products

reTwogger: 180320tko

“New Book: The Ultimate Private Label Product Research Handbook

…How to use deep product analysis and evidence based research to be 100% confident you’ve chosen a product that will SELL”

– By Oliver Denyer

Hey Friend,


If you’d like to build a real business selling a range of physical products on Amazon, this will be the most important book you’ll ever read.

But First, A Warning:

If you spend five seconds looking on the internet for ways to generate income, the chances are you’ll stumble upon at least one of those ‘get rich by next Thursday’ biz-op scams.   


What I’m talking about in this book is NOT one of those scams.  


I’ve got great results in my business because I’ve put in a lot of trial and error, time, money and resources. Because of this, I can’t guarantee that you’ll get any sort of result using the stuff I teach in this book. 


However what I will do, is to teach you what’s working for me, in the hope that you’ll get some value from it. 


So with that said, let’s cover…

Why This Book Is So Valuable


You may have read a few ‘business book’s in the past that offer a very generic overview of how to get success, or how to become an entrepreneur. 


This book is very different from what you might be used to seeing.


It’s very short (only 37 pages) so you’ll be able to read it in one sitting, and instead of filling it with ‘fluff’, it contains a very detailed look at the strategies that are in use and working for me right now.


Once you’ve read it, you’ll have a deep understanding of the system I personally use to research, import and launch products on Amazon.


Now, just because Amazon is my platform of choice…

It’s About MORE Than Just Selling On Amazon


You’ll learn how to uncover all the clues a marketplace presents to you, and reveal those illusive, and very profitable ’missing products’ that customers wish they could buy …that aren’t currently available for sale.


This ability to read the levels of supply vs demand is a skill that stays for LIFE.


It has enabled me to repeatedly launch new products with the confidence that they will ‘fill gaps’, solve problems and sell consistently, REGARDLESS of where I choose to sell them.


Once you know which products you should sell, you’ll learn how to get small (or large) quantities of these products manufactured without ever having to create prototypes, file patents or invent anything.


By using this repeatable skillset, I’ve build an ‘Ecommerce Portfolio’ and launched several brands on Amazon.


So this book is about more than “just” selling on Amazon. Here’s a fraction of what you’re getting… 


  •  A Walkthrough Of My ‘Simplified’ Product Research & Analysis Process. If product research is taking you too long, or it confuses you …this simple 7 step process will make it 10x easier. Finally get clarity on the most efficient way to find hot product opportunities …and be SURE you’ve landed on the perfect product. Pg 24.
  •   Learn the powerful strategy of importing ‘private label’ products from China. These are boring, everyday products that sell in huge volumes. They’ve have already been created and designed, you just have to put your own logo on them.
  •  6 Essential Tools For Product Analysis: Use the most effective tools to read the data Amazon gives you, and seek out ‘Smash Hit’ products to sell on your account. You’ll learn what these tools are, how each of them works, and how to use them to predict exactly how your product will perform …BEFORE you spend a penny on stock. Pg 9.
  •  My ‘Smash Hit’ Product Criteria : The exact numbers to stick to when you’re looking for hot sellers. Ensure your products meet these guidelines, and you’ll never fail. Simple! Pg 21.
  •  Why You Should NEVER Import ‘Hot Selling’ Phone Accessories: A breakdown of the not-so-obvious products you should never import …if you want to avoid your business crashing and burning. Pg 23.
  •  ‘Smash Hit’ Products You Should AVOID: Sometimes decent revenue is a red herring. It looks good on the surface, but the product could ruin your business. Once you understand why, you’ll be smarter than 90% of private label sellers. Learn why on Pg 28.
  •  How To Build A Lifelong Relationship With A Supplier: If you put in the ground work early, and choose a decent supplier …you can build a relationship that will help your business explode. A good supplier can help you expand your product lines, get payment terms, get better deals on shipping costs and more. Learn how on Pg 34.
  •  The TRUTH About Products That Fill A GAP In The Marketplace: If you want an easy way to enter a lucrative marketplace and take a HUGE slice of the revenue, you need to fill a gap in the marketplace. Once you understand the truth of how ‘gaps’ are created, most of the work is already done for you. Pg 32.
  •  Say Goodbye To ‘Dead Product Doubt’: Use my 6 point checklist (literally check off all the boxes!) before you decide to import a product …and you’ll never doubt yourself again. Pg 36.

  •  How to run an ecommerce business without ever speaking to any customers.  If you can’t stand the thought of dealing with a barrage of customer messages, returns, complaints and queries as your sales pick up, you’ll learn how to eliminate this problem. (No hiring or outsourcing required). Page 8.
  •  You need to develop genius market research powers right? …Wrong! Read the data Amazon gives you to reveal exactly what customers are looking to buy. There are only FOUR elements that need to focus on. Use my ‘Smash Hit’ product radar to seek out a hot seller within a few hours of searching. Page 19.
  •  How to sell products that NEVER get swamped with competition. A laughably simple way to identify whether a product will get saturated (so you should AVOID it), or whether it will remain a steady seller for years. Page 23.
  •  The truth about what makes newbie ecommerce sellers fail miserably. The terrible mistake I made early on that illustrated what happens when you follow bad (but popular) advice on private labelling.
  •  What to do if you’re low on capital in the beginning, or scared to risk too much at the start. This method of ‘testing the water’ with a small import will ease your nerves when you place a BIG order. Seeing sales first proves there’s a demand for what you’re selling. Learn all about it on Page 10.
  •  Why inventing NEW products, and being ‘first to market’ is a terrible idea. Instead, Learn how to ‘go where the money is’ and reveal those illusive, and very profitable ’missing products’ that customers wish they could buy …that aren’t currently available for sale. Page 21.
  •  How to import and sell products that don’t cause you massive amounts of hassle. (There are some products you should NEVER even dream about importing) Page 22. 
  •  How to make your product stand out and attract customers, even if there’s dozens of competitors selling the same thing. The easiest way make profit in any business is by solving problems. Learn how to identify which problems you should solve, by understanding the three BIG solutions that customers will pay for every time. Page 22. 
  •  3 ‘tell tale’ signs a product will FAIL. Learn these before you spend money on products, and you’ll avoid importing stock that sits around collecting dust. Page 18.
  •  Where to find an endless supply of manufacturers who are waiting to work with you. Easily contactable, friendly suppliers who you can reach out to for a sample of the next product you want to sell TODAY. Page 13.
  •  The one place to look to find exactly what products customers wish they could buy.Instead of guessing what customers are longing for, go to the ONE place they reveal all …and include this in your strategy every time you research a new product. Page 32. 
  •  Why making LESS sales is a great strategy. Leave the ‘high volume’ strategy to Walmart, while you focus on great profit margins instead. Page 33. 
  •  Say goodbye to ‘slow days’ where customers just aren’t buying your products. WE don’t decide when customers buy our products …customers do. These three keys will set your business up for consistent sales regardless of what your customers are doing, what your competition is doing, or what the economy is doing. Page 34.
  •  The truth about what happens when you only focus on profit margins. My mistake that to led me having 500 units of a product no-one wanted to buy, and how you can avoid this ever happening to you. Page 16.
  •  What to do if you have NO IDEA where to look for hot opportunities on Amazon. There are over 400 million products live for sale on Amazon currently. It can be hard to know where to start. With this simple trick, you’ll ‘short cut’ your way to finding hot sellers in half the time. Page 25.

The best part is, while you’re absorbing the wealth of tactics I cover in the book  …you’ll know that what you’re learning has been PROVEN to work in a real business. That’s because I’m 100% against teaching ‘theory’ or ‘book knowledge’I only let the techniques that have generated me heaps of profit make it into the book.


I even break down mistakes I’ve made along the way to ensure you learn from them (not many ‘gurus’ are willing to do that!) These mistakes illustrate why you should always ‘model’ success, rather than attempting to reinvent the wheel, and they explain how I was forced to develop simple, repeatable strategies that work for me every time.


But it gets better because you’re also getting…

My EXACT Product Research Criteria

The middle pages of the book act as ‘cheatsheets’ that give you the exact criteria you should look for in a ‘Smash Hit’ private label product to sell on Amazon. 


You get the sales volumes to aim for (and how to find them), the ideals competition levels …and all the data you need to find the perfect product.


These systems have allowed me to launch products that sell for years.


The best part of this is that it’s…


Perfect For People Who Don’t Want Rely On Business Partners, Investors Or Endless Amounts Of Networking

Do you hate the idea of having investors breathing down your neck as you run your business, as you nervously wait for them to sign contracts? Do you hate the idea of being forced to get out of the house and network to bring in revenue?


If that’s you …you’re not alone. These are situations I desperately want avoid myself. 


The results I get in my business depend on ME.


You’ll learn how to grow your business without needing huge lines of credit, investors, or needing to network. You only need to focus on researching, importing launching products customers want to buy.


Your only limits will be how resourceful you are, how hard you work and how closely you follow the proven system.


You need to learn…

My ‘Smash Hit’ Product Radar


The most valuable skill you can learn as an ecommerce business owner is building an EYE for hot products. I’ve dedicated an entire section of this book to teaching you how I make my decisions on what products to launch, based on cold hard DATA that Amazon gives you about customer’s buying decisions. 


You NEVER be using ‘hunches’, or gambling with products that ‘might sell’.


When you use my radar, You’ll KNOW that once you’ve decided on a product to sell, that it will be a ‘no- brainer purchase’ for customers, because the product helps them with a real problem, frustration, or desire they’re trying to fix.

Here’s What To Do Next

My mission with this book was to deliver the MOST amount of value to you at a price that made it a real no-brainer. 


This is why I decided to price the book at ONLY $7


…that includes ALL the value you see on this page (and a whole lot more). As soon as you complete your purchase, you’ll receive the pdf on the next page, and I’ll send a copy to your email.


THERE IS NO CATCH!

When you see an offer at such a low price, naturally you might be skeptical about why it’s priced so low.


Rest assured, purchasing the book ONLY involves one payment of $7


There’s no re-billing, and I’m not going to try to ‘trick you’ into joining some kind of membership site.


The only reason I’m offering this book for such a great price is because I’m hoping to provide you with way more value than you’re expecting, so we can build a long lasting relationship. I want the chance to prove to you that my stuff is ten times better than what you’re usually bombarded with.


But with that said, I’d like you to keep one thing in mind:


Time Is Of The Essence


For each book I ‘sell’, my business actually makes a loss of about $20 through advertising costs.


(For me, that’s an OK price to pay to get you to read the book so I can build a great relationship with you!)


But here’s the thing: at the moment this is just a test.


This book won’t be around for long, because soon I’ll want to pull down this page, and measure the results of the test to see how well it went.


So don’t wait, as you could miss out.


Oh and one more thing:

You’re Also Getting An Advanced 90 Minute Training, Free

During this training, I’ll walk you through exactly how I scour Amazon for ‘Smash Hit’ products, and set up my business so I can run it from a laptop. 


I’ll teach you about my ‘product concierge service’ I use to get products from the factory in China, all the way to the customer without seeing or touching any stock.


You’ll learn the 30 second ‘litmus test’ I use to identify a ‘smash hit’ product on Amazon almost instantly.


I’ll even tell you how to get your products in front of tens of thousands of customers (who are actively searching for it) the second they go live for sale.


And there’s no charge for it. I want you to have this as my gift for checking out the book.


Oh. And just to make things 100% transparent…

You Really Are Getting This Book And The Brand New Training For Only $7 but…

This page won’t be around for long.

As I mentioned earlier, this is just a test (and the money I’m spending on advertising is adding up!).

I PROMISE you’ll love this book, get great value from it and be able to implement the tactics I’ve spent years refining. 

You’ll probably find more value in it’s short 37 pages than a lot of expensive courses.

If you’re not 100% in love with the book, shoot me a message to support@ecommercefreedom.com and I’ll refund your money instantly.  I’ll even let you keep the book, and the 90 minute training free of charge.

Sound fair enough?

So thanks for taking time out of your day to read this letter, and I can’t wait to help you on your journey!

All the best

– Ollie

P.S. If you’re in hurry and you skipped to the bottom of this page (something I would do!) …I wanted to give you the short version:

You’re getting access to a 37 page book that will teach you how to build an ‘Ecommerce Portfolio’ selling a range of physical products on Amazon.

The price for the book is just $7.

You’ll learn about my ‘Smash Hit’ product radar I use to identify hot sellers on the Amazon marketplace. (This thing has yet to fail me!). Also you’ll get my 7 step product research process, my ‘products to avoid’ criteria, my ‘Smash Hit’ product criteria and my ‘Smash Hit product checklist.

On top of all of that, you’re also getting a 90 minute training, free where I’ll walk you though how to implement everything you learned in the book.

I put this page up as a test, and it won’t be around for long.

There is no “catch” to this offer. You will not be signing up for any “trial” to a monthly subscription or anything like that.

In fact, if you don’t like the book let me know and I’ll even give you back the $7 you spent. You can keep the book and the 90 minute training.

https://staticxx.facebook.com/connect/xd_arbiter/r/Ms1VZf1Vg1J.js?version=42#channel=fb0e2f0ad113&origin=https%3A%2F%2Finfo.ecommercefreedom.com

C By: By Oliver Denyer

//———-reTwogger: 180320tko———-

!2018 – Wakanda Botched Marriage

reTwogger: 180315tko

Maiden post!
COPIED! Copied #DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE PART 10 IS 😂😂😂😂
Madam, your phone is ringing.’ That was Elsie, one of my three employees.  I trusted her a little more than the other two, who were only four months old as workers in my salon. Unlike the other salons around our estate, mine was of a higher level and class. We offered literally everything else all the others couldn’t offer combined. I took my phone and stepped into my private office. It was none other than my sweet husband. He just wanted to hear my voice having left the house one hour earlier than usual. We exchanged pleasantries  then hung up. That conversation got me thinking about my past. I came from a well to do family and that was enough reason to have me attend just the best schools. It was during a school trip that I met Eric. He was tall, masculine, slightly darker  than me and his voice was to die for. I instantly knew what I wanted. Owing to my family status, I couldn’t just leave the house in the name of going to see a man. I had to lie all through college (I was a day scholar) about imaginary trips, just to be around Eric. I had fallen in love with a poor guy. 

After college, I gained the freedom I so much yearned for. That made our relationship stronger. I lived with Eric in my apartment as he hustled for a job, and getting one wasn’t so easy. I used my Dad’s influence and got him a prestigious position in well established company. Life was good. At least I could proudly present my boyfriend to my parents. They liked him and blessed out union. 

The wedding?  Don’t even ask. It was heaven on earth. We were a happy family. I mean, what more could one ask for?   I had a loving husband, a booming business, expecting our set of twins…. That was more than I had asked for and I was grateful to God. 
My thoughts were interrupted by a knock. A client wanted a touch of my magic hands. You see, one of the major reasons why my salon was popular is the fact that I had magic hands. Everyone wanted to have me make their hair. I was already used to that. 

This particular one though did not settle well with me. Zippy was her name. She bragged alot about her loving fiancé and their soon to be wedding. She was so bossy especially when it came to her 💅. She insisted on having a combination of three colors, because it was her wedding. Well,  the customer is always right so she could as well as get what she wanted. It was her fiance’s name however that made my heart skip a beat. But hey, Erics are many.  After an instructions filled afternoon, she eventually left.
Two… 

Naomi why won’t you answer your phone?  It’s irritating already. Nkt! ”  Naomi was one of the other two workers. 

But Ma’am,  that is not my phone ringing.  My Samsung ringtone is so known to be my favorite.” 

Whose phone is that then?

Let me check in that couch.

The irritating phone apparently belonged to the bossy customer. Here I thought I had had the last of her… Nkt!  But did she just have to?  Bring the phone here let me put it off. Our peace is more important than her million calls. 

“Eric Bae” was calling….  But what kind of a cruel human being could I be? The least I could do was answer the phone and have the ‘bae’ know that his fiance had forgotten  her phone at the salon. 

Hello? 

Hey babe… 

Sorry… This is not her, she came to my salon and left her phone by mistake…. 

Wow… Where is your salon located?   I could pick the phone on her behalf, am her fiance by the way… Forgive my manners  ma’am. Am Eric Maina  Zippy’s fiance. Zippy is the owner of the phone…….
“Excuse me, did I by any chance forget my phone here?”

That voice that made my insides churn was here again. But that was a good thing. That phone call was making me dizzy. 

I handed her the phone without a word and she proceeded to extend the conversation, but did so with more passion. It looked like that  call would go on forever, so she left with a wave. 
I needed a breath of fresh air…. Eric Mwangi???  But why did that sound like my  husband?  Coincidence wouldn’t be to such extremes. Same name, same voice???  Something was definitely amiss…
Part 3

I did not want to stress myself over mere imaginations and possibilities. I had lives growing in me and they knew no Zippy, or Eric. So, to hell with Eric Mwangi, whoever he was  and his bossy fiance. 

I logged into facebook to try and forget the incident. Against my wish, my husband and I were friends on facebook and had alot of mutual friends. I decided to go through his friends list. One particular friend caught my attention. He liked every post by my husband. I thought of requesting him but a second thought told me to use my Pseudo account in so doing. He accepted my request almost immediately. I slid to his DM and engaged him in a conversation. I used my FBI skills very well and by the time I logged out of facebook, I knew that he was in an unhappy relationship with one Peenah Msupuu. 

I knew exactly who to find out more about the next time I logged in to facebook. 

That was just a distraction, or so I thought. It was evening already and time to close for the day. I found my Eric waiting for me just outside my salon. He hugged me and made me forget all that had happened all day. 

We got home to a good meal but of course after a shower together. Sex that night was good, really good. It was  some minutes past midnight when a crave for aerial scent woke me. I didn’t want to wake my husband up so, I thought against putting on the lights. I opted for my phone torch. Now of all times, my phone decided to hang, so I just picked Eric’s phone and used it’s torch. I got to the bathroom, sat on the closed toilet lid, got the aerial powder on my hand and started enjoying its gravely scent.  I put the phone on the floor and concentrated on what brought me in there. 

After about ten minutes , I had had enough of my crave and decided to go back to bed when a message popped up on the screen.  “Ujue uchukue nguo za majamaa latest next tomorrow ndio kila mtu apime ” sender PEENAH.

WHAT!!!?……….
Part 4
This must be a wrong number. I decided to let the sender know that. At least  that would help them double check the number they intended to send the message to. I unlocked the phone by simply sliding the screen. Apparently, the user last used whatsApp before locking it.

I decided to take a tour….

 LO AND BEHOLD!

 The first chat I saw was of a group “my big day”

I redeemed some points of patience and decided to take a seat. Umbea wataka nafasi. 

I chunguliad the group. Weh!  Kumbe  my beloved husband was finally getting married?  And what’s even worse was the fact that the wedding was only two days away! How did all this happened?  When?  How? I felt a pain, I had never ever experienced before in my life. I lost myself and for a moment I thought I was dreaming. This was not the time nor the season to be weak. If anything, this was when I needed to gather all my strength and even that of my ancestors. I went through all the chats just to be sure. Now what broke my heart even the more was the photo of the bride. Who would have thought that the  nosey and the bossy Zippy was my co-wife  to be?  So all this time, Eric had just been using me as his bridge?  Even our very first meeting was stage-managed. This, I learnt from their facebook inbox chats. And did I mention that the guy I had sent a friend request earlier via my Pseudo account was my very husband? Well, shit happens and this was real. I needed to act, but first,i needed to gather enough evidence. I took shots of everything I found useful and forwarded to my email. That was a safe place. I deleted everything and went back to sleep. My twins just chose that very moment to kick and those kicks gave me strength. The strength to plan and plot carefully just what present I needed to give to my husband  on his wedding day… Or after the wedding.

He stirred in his sleep when I slid to bed next to him.  Sleep baby sleep, you have a major battle before you and it could drain all your energy…….
Part 5
First things first. I needed details about the wedding. After all, was it not my husband’s wedding?  What are spouses for if not support each other and help where possible? 

I woke up earlier than usual with the excuse of my babies not wanting to sleep. I called my best friend Lidyha and asked her to meet me at a joint well known to her.  I ordered  mukimo and chicken, mind you it was seven thirty in the morning. She took tea as she listened to me narrate everything. At some point she bursted out in laughter, telling me that I was crazy. She assumed I was saying everything due to my pregnancy.  I had to prove to her by showing her all the shots I had sent to my email. 

“This is unbelievable!  All along we knew  that you were the only one in a stable relationship amongst us ghels… But what came over Eric?  We all knew he loves you with literally everything he owns.. 

But not to worry. He will have us to contend with. He won’t know what will hit him. 
   THE PLAN…. 

Lidyha  was to get close (very close)  to Zippy and gather all the information needed. That was as simple as taking a candy from a baby. Lidyha was a good news writer, and Zippy was a chatterbox. I must say they would make the best team in gisting. 

By midday, I had all the information I needed. This fool of a husband had the guts to borrow literally everything from our wedding plan. From the florist, to the chefs, from the reception venue… The only adjustment he made were the clergyman and the color. Their colors were brown and green 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Who chooses that for a wedding?  But hey,  forget the crazy combo of color and let’s focus on getting  a gown that really fits me… You see,  I had gained about 17kgs in the five months of my pregnancy.

But before the gown, I needed to pay our lawyer, rather my lawyer a visit. 

It was on my way there, that I bumped into our former landlord, who was a very good friend of my father. He congratulated me on our newest project … Project????
Part 6

Just when I thought I had seen and heard  it all, boom!  My husband had bought and furnished an apartment, of course for his new bride. Did I mention that we were still living in a rented house?  I guess I did. So, this Zippy was so lucky as to have a house to get name? Over my dead body. I narrated the ordeal to the landlord (Mike)  amid tears and by the time I was done he was literally boiling. “How could he?” He asked angrily . He actually wanted to call my Dad but I convinced him against it. I did not want the old man to worry for nothing. After all, I was a big girl and I could take care of myself. Mike was more than willing to help me bring Eric to his knees. The apartment was still under his (Mike) name and they were supposed to transfer to Eric’s name after the wedding, as that’s when he hoped to finish paying for it. 

I told Mike to call Eric at once and tell him that he should not bother clearing the arrears, and that he would refund the money he had paid as deposit. Why?  Because Mike was so good of a friend and had decided to give him the apartment as a wedding present. 

The naive and stupid mumu of a husband that I had fell for the trap.  I guess his teacher didn’t tell him to think twice when the deal became so sweet. I paid for the apartment, signed all the papers and my name replaced Mike’s  in the ownership. Of course I paid extra. Mike had saved my ass. 
The gods of revenge were on my side. 

I proceeded to see the lawyer who even shocked me the more. 

Eric did not have my interest or the interests of his babies at heart, even for s minute.  He had transferred everything we owned to his name. How was the lawyer convinced  you ask? 

He had received a call from “me”  and “i” told him to deal with Eric henceforth and that he should do anything and everything he told him to. That revelation was a clear proof that Zippy knew Eric was a married man and she was knowingly marrying someone else’s husband . You picked the wrong opponent Zippy…..
Part 7

All the love I once had for Eric disappeared to thin air. How could one person’s heart be so evil?  I was disgusted to say the least. I asked the lawyer to prepare the divorce papers for me. No way I would continue  being connected to this kind of a heartless animal. That done, I had to transfer everything to my name.

Let me take you back a little… This lawyer in question was once stranded at school, due to lack of funds to pay for his exams, and I came to his rescue. That was about six years ago when I was still  in highschool. Having come from a filthy rich family,  money was not a problem. That was why  Chege (the lawyer)  was indepted to me. 

It was already late by the time we finished making all the transfers. I had done enough for the day and I just deserved a rest. 

I got home to find Eric waiting for me. Apparently he had an emergency work related trip to Uganda. Wakanda poor planner is this that I got married to?  For a moment I wanted to ask him if he had everything ready then I remembered I was supposed to be in the dark about the wedding. That was on Thursday and he promised to be back on Wednesday. But that would mean that they would only be in honeymoon for what?  Three days?  That’s unfair. I was tempted to tell him  to make it a week but karma whispered to my ear telling me to keep my ideas to myself. Being the dutiful wife that I always had been , I packed the suitcase, knowing very well that another woman would help unpack it. Issokey. He hugged me and kissed me goodbye as I shed some tears to emphasize on the point of missing him. He said alot of nothings about how I should take care of our babies and I, how he wanted to find us safe when he came back, but trust me, I left everything he said right where he said it. 

He was taking forever to go. Didn’t he know I had alot of work to do?  Nkt! 

  FRIDAY..
Part 8
The call from Lidyha woke me up with a start. She was at the door already. Such friends are for keeps hmm… Our plan was for me to leave the house before  Eric came back from his wedding, honeymoon or whatever trip he made me believe he had gone to. I packed a few clothes, picked all my documents and put them in Lidyha’s car. We locked the door and left to her place. We first checked to see if my dress was ready and honestly, liked what I saw. My tailor had done impeccably. I called Chege  about the divorce papers and he promised to drop them by Lidyha’s place before noon. I needed to double check every detail to ensure perfection. 

Let me take you back a little… You remember the chat Lidyha had with Zippy?  Well,  she was able to get two wedding invitation cards. One for her and Mike the landlord, and the other one for Chege  and I. 

Eric called me to let me know that he had arrived to Uganda safely, as Lidyha called Zippy, and learnt from her big mouth that the fiance was actually there  and that he had just landed from abroad… 🙄🙄 I did not know that Kilimani was abroad!  I was in for more, as this was proving to be season of revelations. 

Having done everything we were supposed to do, I was bored and I logged into facebook but via my pseudo account. I found alot of messages in my inbox  from Ricky  wa Zippy. Am sure you don’t need a prophet to tell you that that was my husband’s other account. 

He was complaining about his bride to be pushing him to a wedding he didn’t like, wishing he had met me earlier… Haiya! So he was just a common hyena? I pretended to like him too and that way, I scooped more details about the wedding. He even told me the venue and alot of other stupid things I already knew. I promised to be there and just like that, I had someone looking forward to get to his wedding venue ,not to see his bride, but to have a word with his newest catch. I hated him even the more…….

Part 9

SATURDAY 

The morning was sunny and it was the sun streaks penetrating through the curtains that woke me up. Lidyha was already up and breakfast was ready all thanks to her. After breakfast I went straight to the bathroom, stripped and stood in front of the long mirror. My belly was all rounded and bigger than most five months pregnancies. I slid into the bathtub  and had the warm water massage every inch of me. I needed to be relaxed for my husband’s wedding. After thirty long minutes, I stepped out of the bathroom feeling more than just relaxed and fresh. I found my makeup artist all set waiting for me. I sat on the seat facing him and closed my eyes waiting for him to do what he knew how to do best. 

I think  I fell asleep because when I woke up one hour later, I thought I was dreaming…. How could I fail to recognize myself?  Jammie had altered my looks and given me a new face. I was natural light but by the time I looked at my reflection on the mirror, I was a shade darker. Wow…power of makeup. After enough wowing, Lidyha helped me into my dress, which was created to slightly hide my now visible pregnancy. This was awesome. 

By the time Mike and Chege came to pick us, we were ready and eagerly waiting to make an appearance to the big wedding. I couldn’t wait to watch Eric say “I do ” to another woman, but trust me, I wouldn’t ruin that. That would be inhumane. All I wanted was the cake, the food, the drinks, the dance, and a picture with the couple. That wasn’t too much to ask for ,was it?

I opened the door to let the guys in, and they instead looked at me with their mouths wide open. When they eventually recovered, they asked me the whereabouts of Beka and Lidyha. 

It was when I spoke that they realised it was me they were talking to. I couldn’t wait for the day to officially begin. This was a good sign….We stepped out of the house and a  limousine I had hired was waiting for us . No-one knew about it because it was a surprise…..


//———-reTwogger:180315tko———-

!2018 – #SuckerPunch

reTwogger: 180313tko

​I have a funny joke for you so you can start your new day with a smile 😃

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students.
The teacher asked, ‘Harry, what exactly is your problem?’
Harry answered, ‘I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is!
I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!’
Ms.Brooks finally had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he happily agreed to take the test.
Principal: ‘What is 3 x 3?’

Harry: ‘9’
Principal: ‘What is 6 x 6?’ 

Harry: ’36’
And so it went with every question the principal thought a bright 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, ‘Y’know I reckon Harry can go to the 3rd grade’
But Ms. Brooks is still skeptical of the little bugger and says to the principal, ‘Not so fast – let me ask him a few questions’
The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms. Brooks asks, ‘What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?’ 

Harry, after a moment: ‘Legs’
Ms Brooks: ‘What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?’ 

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! 

Harry replied: ‘Pockets’ to the principal’s great relief
Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a dog do that a man steps into?’ 

Harry: ‘Pants’
By now, the principal is sitting forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: ‘What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?’
Now the principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could intervene, Harry replied, ‘Bubble gum’
Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?’ 

Harry: ‘Shake hands’
The principal is now trembling with apprehension as Ms. Brooks asks the last question.
Ms. Brooks: ‘What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ and indicates a great deal of heat and excitement?’

Harry: ‘Firetruck.’
The principal breaths a huge sigh of relief and tells the teacher,
” Put the little bastard in 5th-Grade: I got the last seven questions wrong myself !…”

//———-reTwogger: 180313tko———-

!2018 – A happy marriage_V2

reBlogger:180312tko

Saw this and couldn’t resist posting it here.


MARRIAGE…….
He was having his evening beverage
That’s when she joined him.
“Hi there handsome, you’re looking good. So fine I can eat you up” she said sitting down.
“I thought we agreed to keep away from each other? I am a married man” he told her.
” Come on. I won’t bite. You can’t resist me, no man can” she said.
“I am a married man” he told her.
“Fight all you want, but soon I will have you. I am way better than your wife” she told him.
“You are nothing compared to my wife” he told her off.
“Really? All this body. All these curves. All these sweetness. I bet your wife is not as good in bed as I am” she told him unbuttoning the top button of her blouse to reveal her cleavage, then lifting up her skirt, just a bit.
“If I was a lustful and unfaithful man, all that would move me. But I am too grown to be enticed by what you’re showing off. I am a grown man, you think all that consumes my mind is sex? And for your information, my wife is actually great in bed” he told her.
“How will you know unless you do me. Try me tonight. Let’s drive in your black car to a romantic hotel, I promise you a night you will never forget” she told him.
“You know what you are? You are lazy? A lazy woman” he told her, then took a sip of his beverage.
“How dare you call me lazy?! I am a high flying educated woman. Any man would give anything to have me” she said.
“Fair enough. But would you give anything to make a man?” He asked.
“What do you mean?” She questioned.
“You look at me and find me attractive. Yet you disrespect the woman behind who I am, you want me to cheat on my wife, the woman behind my attractiveness” said he.
He drank a sip and continued, “My wife is responsible for the man in me that you want today. When I had little, my wife believed in me. These suits you see me wearing, are my wife’s idea. I ask for her advice on what to wear. 
My success has come to pass because she prays for me and puts up with my demanding work hours. She corrects me and moulds me and that has moulded my character. 
The Range Rover you see me outside driving that you fancy, I bought that with my wife. She and I invested to buy our house. I look attractive and pleasant, because she treats me well and gives me peace. 
And now you want to have the man that she made out of me and dishonour her? You want to have the man that she has built for years? You are lazy?”
Silence.
“I see you turning down the single men who want you and yet you want me, a man that another woman has made? No, it doesn’t work like that. 
Find your own single man, believe in him, pray for him, support him, nurture him and mould him to be the attractive man you want him to be. 
You women have a nurturing and helping gift. Activate your gift. 
My wife has been busy building me and I will not leave her for a woman who has nothing to offer, but her sexiness. 
So if you may excuse me, I need to drive home and take my wife on a date. She deserves the best” he said as he stood up and drank a last sip.
He reached in his wallet and placed K200 on the table.
“Have yourself a drink as you think about your life and how you’ll stop being lazy and find a single man you can build. My generous wife and I have paid for the drink” he said.
He walked away as she looked on; her lower jaw dropping in shock, “I thought that this world was void of principled men, I just met one,” the diva seasoned as she sobered up, nodding her head.
“This guy just schooled me. In 20 minutes this smart guy has taught me the most valuable lesson which I’ve never found in any one of the three prestigious Universities I’ve attended. *How to find, invest in and make my own husband*I need to find my own husband” she thought to herself as the gentleman sped off in his waiting Range Rover.
*A Recommended Therapy for All married men* 🙏 

And for those singles who are too self-centered to think beyond themselves and their physical endowments.
#YOUR MARRIAGE MUST WORK💞!!!

*ADVOCATE FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE*

//———-reBlogger:180312tko———-


……………………………………………..

!2018 – 14 Rules of Engagement With Women in 2018

reTwogger: 180308tko.
Rules for interacting with women in 2018…. It’s a bit long but I suggest you read it for your own protection…

#PushBack

1. Don’t look at women. Looking is the male gaze, or stare rape. Keep your eyes at shoulder level or above at all times. DO NOT MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT. That’s “eyeballing” which is intimidation.

2. Don’t speak to them unless absolutely necessary. Speaking to a woman is verbal harassment.

3. DO NOT touch them for any reason. Touching of any kind is physical assault. Even to assist, defend or render medical aid. DON’T DO IT…. EVER! Keep to the “arms length or farther” separation rule at all times.

4. NEVER be alone with a woman, especially in a work environment. NEVER meet a woman from work off property unless you have witnesses.

5. NEVER openly confront or contradict a woman at work. Air any grievance you might have in writing to her supervisor. Do not mention that you have made a complaint. Never threaten…. just do… DO NOT TRY to reason with, negotiate, or explain anything to a woman. That is “mansplaining”.

6.Record all interactions with women, especially at work. Small cameras are cheap, tiny and easily deployed. Include emails, text and phone calls. screenshot everything. DOWNLOAD EVERYTHING to a thumbdrive that YOU have access to…. NOT A COMPANY DEVICE… Give copies as evidence and always retain the originals.

7. Expect other males to be secret allies or white knights for women. They will pretend to be sympathetic to you in order to set you up for an ambush, or gain intelligence a woman can use against you. They will do anything to get a pat on the head from a woman including searching your files, records, workspace etc. including conversations they can report to a higher authority.

8. HR is a womans best friend. Expect them to lodge many complaints against you and every other male in the workplace. It is standard procedure. HR is NOT your friend.

9. Do not stand directly facing a female. Always face slightly away. Keep your hands down and do not make any gesture with them. Pointing, waving etc. She can say you were physically intimidating her.

10. NEVER SHOW EMOTION OR RAISE YOUR VOICE. Remain civil, polite and soft spoken even if you are not addressing a woman directly. Be as robotic as possible when a woman and her allies are around.

11. DO NOT BE “HELPFUL”. That is how they sucker you in. If a woman is struggling, let her. She doesn’t need your help.

12. Enter and exit the workplace quickly and quietly. Transitional spaces is where ambushes happen. You may say or do something off the cuff that will cost you. They intentionally target you during these times. Just because the shift has ended, doesn’t mean the danger has.

13. Hide or clean all your social media. A woman who is targeting you will do her research. DO NOT “FRIEND” CO-WORKERS. Give only personal information that is absolutely necessary. Do not talk about hobbies, sports or interests as it allows women to profile you. SHE WILL HAVE EVERYTHING IN PLACE…. BEFORE SHE ATTACKS. 

14. Remain aloof, cautiously suspicious and highly aware at ALL TIMES. 

YOUR NEXT WORD, TONE, EXPRESSION, INFLECTION or GESTURE CAN GET YOU FIRED OR PUT IN JAIL!!!

Do not engage unless absolutely necessary! I SAY AGAIN…. DO NOT ENGAGE…

//———-reTwogger: 180308tko———-

!2018 – 5 Polite Phrases That Will Disarm Rude People Instantly

reTwogger: 180308to. 

5 Polite Phrases That Will Disarm Rude People Instantly:



#1. “Thank you”

Saying “thank you” might sound like a simple gesture, but you will be surprised to find that it can quickly change the course of the conversation. “Thank you” is a phrase we often use to show appreciation, if you say it to someone who is being rude to you, it can show them that you’re not angry. Rude people enjoy when others get angry and become impolite back. If you bite your tongue and remain polite, it means that you acknowledge the person’s rudeness, and have chosen not to let their behaviour affect you.



#2. “You’re right”

Most people have a hard time accepting someone else’s point of view. If there happens to be some truth in what the person is saying use this phrase and it will stop the person in their tracks. The conversation will be cut short and this means that there is less chance of the discussion developing into the argument.



#3. “You’re hurting my feelings”

If you want to get through to the person, you might need to explain to them that they are hurting you. Sometimes this is the best way to let them know that you don’t like what they are saying and that it offends you. In some instances, they may not know how their words are affecting you, so if you speak up they may be able to correct their behaviour and apologise. Using this phrase could also protect you from inappropriate and rude remarks in the future.



#4. “I think we should stop this conversation now”

Unfortunately, rude people don’t always care who they are hurting. If you make your feelings to them known and it doesn’t stop them, this phrase will. Using this phrase will signal to them that you no longer appreciate the conversation and that you don’t want to tolerate their rude behaviour. Hopefully, the other person will think twice about saying something offensive next time.



#5. “You always have something negative to say, don’t you?”

This phrase can also help the other person to reassess their behaviour and think about the words that are coming out of their mouth. By drawing attention to the fact that they often have a negative response, you are highlighting their negative behaviour and this may help them to reconsider what they say in the future.

//———-reTwogger: 180308to———-