!2017 – 52 life lessons I learned by asking 52 people the same questions:

reTwogger: 171014tko

52 life lessons I learned by asking 52 people the same questions:

“Happiness and success will pass, what endures is creating meaning in your own life and in the lives of others.” – Tom Rath

  • 1. “If you are going to eat shit, don´t nibble.”

    Reminder: Positive impacts are created by how well you deal with the negative aspects. Push through.

    2. “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth

    Reminder: The more uncomfortable you are today, the more comfortable you will be tomorrow.

    3. “Pickles made me happy.”

    Reminder: Focus on the little things everyday that make you smile……and eat more pickles.

    4. “I have come to believe that one of the most important things, is to see people. The person who opens the door for you. The person that pours your coffee. Acknowledge them. Show them respect. The traditional greeting of the Zulu people of South Africa is `Sawu Bona.´ It means, `I See You.´ I try and do that.”

    Reminder: Be nice to people and people will be nice to you.

    5. “The only currency that matters in this world is what you share with someone else when you are uncool.”

    Reminder: Be vulnerable.

    6. “The single easiest way to find out how you feel about someone. Say goodbye.”

    Reminder: Tell people what they mean to you every chance you get.

    7. “It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.

    Reminder: Nothing ever big happened by dreaming small.

    “What’s the world’s greatest lie?” the boy asked, completely surprised. It’s this: That at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That is the world’s greatest lie.”

    Reminder: We create and control our future.

    8. “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”

    Reminder: Be true to yourself.

    9. “Most successful people are people you’ve never heard of. They want it that way. It keeps them sober. It helps them do their jobs.”

    Reminder: Knowing your WHY is the easier part. Living your WHY demands self-control, self-assessment and self-awareness every single day.

    10. “It is not what you preach, but what you tolerate.”

    Reminder: Reputations are built on what you do, not what you promise.

    11. “We can either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.”

    Reminder: Positivity is a choice.

    12. “Thankfully perserverance is a good substitute for talent.”

    Reminder: You have this one advantage over everyone.

    13. “Typically, people who exercise, start eating better and becoming more productive at work. They smoke less and show more patience with colleagues and family. They use their credit cards less frequently and say they feel less stressed. Exercise is a keystone habit that triggers widespread change.”

    Reminder: Write exercise at the top of your daily to-do list. Write it twice when times get tough.

    14. “Victory favors the team making the fewest mistakes.”

    Reminder: Professionals do it until they cannot do it wrong.

    15. “Don´t play everything. Let some things go by. What you don´t play can be more important than what you do.”

    Reminder: What we say “no” to ultimately determines how well we do the things we say “yes” to.

    16. “You don’t get to pick your family, but you can pick your teachers and you can pick your friends and you can pick the music you listen to and you can pick the books you read and you can pick the movies you see. You are, in fact, a mashup of what you choose to let into your life. You are the sum of your influences. The German writer Goethe said, “We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.”

    Reminder: Our decisions today determine our future tomorrow.

    17. “Growth comes at the point of resistance. We learn by pushing ourselves and finding what really lies at the outer reaches of our abilities.”

    Reminder: You can always run for five more minutes.

    18. “Self assessment is more important than self awareness.”

    Reminder: Be brutally honest with yourself.

    19. “I know of no case study in history that describes an organization that has been managed out of a crisis. Every single one of them was led.”

    – Leaders Eat Last / Simon Sinek

    Reminder: People. People. People.

    20. “Being honest about the existence of a small blemish can enhance your offerings true beauty.”

    Reminder: Honestly first, second and third.

    21. “Don’t aim at success, the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it.

    Reminder: Don´t worry about making something great, worry about getting great at the making.

    22. “You never know where somebody’s going to end up. It’s not just about building your reputation; it really is about being there for other people.”

    Reminder: The person serving you coffee today could be your boss tomorrow.

    23. “There are always more of them before they are counted.

    Reminder: Problems are always bigger in our heads.

    24. “No one owes you a great career. You need to earn it — and the process won’t be easy.”

    Reminder: Having a career you love is a privilege, not a right.

    25. “Never underestimate the vital importance of finding early in life the work that for you is play. This turns possible underachievers into happy warriors.”

    Reminder: Never stop trying new things and meeting new people. The dots will eventually connect.

    26. “We don’t tell ourselves, `I’m never going to write my symphony.´ Instead we say, `I am going to write my symphony; I’m just going to start tomorrow.´”

    – The War of Art / Steven Pressfield

    Reminder: Read this everyday.

  • 27. “Think about your hero. Do you think of this person as someone with extraordinary abilities who achieved with little effort? Now go find out the truth. Find out the tremendous effort that went into their accomplishment, and admire them more.”

    Reminder: Most overnight success stories are 10 years in the making.

    28. “Greatness is not a function of circumstance. Greatness, it turns out, is largely a matter of conscious choice and discipline.”

    Reminder: Exciting lives are created by good choices and boring routines.

    29. “Life is a helluva lot more fun if you say yes rather than no.”

    Reminder: I met my wife doing something I originally did not want to do.

    30. “If you can’t learn, you can’t thrive.”

    Reminder: Figure out how you learn best and keep auding and making improvements to the process.

    31. “The most promising ideas begin from novelty and then add familiarity.”

    Reminder: You do not have to reinvent the wheel, just add to the conversation.

    32. “What gets measured gets improved.”

    Reminder: Tracking your health, performance etc, has never been easier, so take advantage.

    33. “Just because you have someone´s email address does not mean they want to hear from you.”

    Reminder: Think of how you can help others, not of how they can help you.

    34. The Ultimate Elevator Pitch –

    “Simply create a one-sentence answer to the following four questions:

    1. What do you do?
    2. What problem do you solve?
    3. How are you different?
    4. Why should I care?”

    Reminder: You never know who you are going to meet, so be prepared.

    35. This is not a quote, but in this book, General George C. Marshall, was referred to as an, “Unnatural Genius,” and it dawned on me that I had never heard that before. Is there a higher compliment?

    Reminder: Never stop learning, trying new things and meeting new people,

    36. “Acronym of FAILURE:

    F — Frustration (you don´t have any answers)

    A — Aggression (Misdirected)

    I — Insecurity (You can´t cut it anymore)

    L — Leadership (You abandon it)

    U — Undisciplined (You stop practicing fundamentals)

    R — Resentment (You assume the victim´s role)

    E — Excuses (It´s everyone´s fault but your own)”

    Reminder: Most of the time success is found by analyzing and fixing failures.

    37. “Ultimately, our progress, our growth, and our happiness comes from our ability to look within ourselves and ask the important questions.”

    Reminder: The quality of our life is determined by the quality of the questions that we ask others and we ask ourselves.

    38. “You need to stretch people to help them achieve their full potential. The most powerful way to do this is by having the courage to say, `I believe in you.´ These four words constitute the most inspirational message a leader can convey.”

    Reminder: If you focus on supporting others, people will eventually support you.

    39. “Leadership requires two things: a vision of the world that does not yet exist and the ability to communicate it.”

    Reminder: Think like a philosopher, but communicate like a truck driver.

    40. “The only guarantee, ever, is that things will go wrong. The only thing we can use to mitigate this is anticipation. Because the only variable we control completely is ourselves.”

    Reminder: We cannot control what happens, but we can control how we react and respond.

    41. “We all fool ourselves from time to time in order to keep our thoughts and beliefs consistent with what we have already done or decided.”

    Reminder: Operate in reality.

    42. “We convince by our presence.”

    Reminder: Stand up straight and smile.

    43. “Positive thinking must be followed by positive doing.”

    Reminder: After reading a book or listening to a podcast — do something about it.

    44. “Those who succeed in an outstanding way seldom do so before the age of 40. More often, they do not strike their real pace until they are well beyond the age of 50.”

    Reminder: Life is long. Slow down and keep collecting and connecting your dots.

    45. “Being present, paying attention to what’s going on rather than being caught up in your thoughts, can yield immense rewards. When you exhibit presence, those around you feel listened to, respected, and valued.”

    Reminder: Most people are so worried about what they are going to say they do not listen to what is being said. Do not be like most people.

    46. “Happiness and success will pass, what endures is creating meaning in your own life and in the lives of others.”

    Reminder: Never stop asking yourself how you can make the lives of the people around you better.

    47. “For me, happiness is the joy we feel striving after our potential.”

    Reminder: It’s the journey….

    48. “The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win.”

    Reminder: What was impossible in the past is normal today.

    49. “Work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls: family, health, friends, integrity, are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.”

    Reminder: Friend, mother, father, partner, husband, wife is much cooler than any job title.

    50. “The easiest thing to sell is truth.”

    Reminder: Never work on something you do not believe in.

    51. “You buck yourself up with the thought that `this too shall pass,´ but then you remind yourself that it may not pass anytime soon, and so you re-dedicate yourself to making the absolute best of what you have now.”

    Reminder: My wife and son are the only things that matter. Make them smile……at all times.

    52. “You and everyone you know are going to be dead soon. And in the short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of f*cks to give. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a f*ck about everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice, well, then you’re going to get fucked.”

    Reminder: Just because a great writer used a bad word in his title, does not mean you should.

    And there you have it, my favorite 52 quotes for 2017.

    Michael Thompson

    Originally published at hackernoon.com


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    !2017 – 3 Key Things that will make-or-Break Your Marriage 

    reTwogger: 171013tko

    Have you ever had a “make-or-break” moment in your marriage? As in, whatever decision you make will change things in a big way?

    I did a television interview a couple of weeks back where I was reminded of one such moment.

    Here is the set up: A hospital, a newborn baby, me (still recovering from labor), and my husband (with big news).

    Essentially, we were still in the hospital, basking in the glow of becoming new-born parents, when my husband received news of a BIG promotion at work. We were thrilled by this news!

    Or, rather, we were thrilled up until the moment when my husband revealed (later) that accepting the position would require both of us to quit our jobs, and move to… Utah.

    At first I thought he was joking. But I quickly realized that whatever I said right then, would change things “in a big way.”

    To state the obvious for those who know me, I am not a saint! I have a fabulous track record of epic failures and selfish choices in my marriage. However, I am proud to share that this “make-it” or “break-it” episode in my marriage turned into a win in the “make-it” column.

    I decided to try out a new skill. In the therapy world we call this skill “compromise.” Compromise goes really well when you remember three key things.

    1. Know your partner
    Laying the groundwork for effective compromise, especially in make or break moments, happens long before the moment even begins. Having a detailed Love Map of your partner’s inner world – knowing every nook and cranny of your partner’s heart, desires, dislikes, dreams, and fears – can help you understand what informs their point of view.

    2. Meet in the moment, not in the middle
    In a real compromise, both parties are bound to be at least a little disappointed. Don’t let that disappointment get in the way of the relationship. Adopt a habit of asking, “what part of my partner’s request can I agree to?” This will help you stay connected while you manage your differences.

    3. Focus on what you both want
    If you can identify your core shared dream or goal in a situation, it can take the pressure off of the details and elevate the entire conversation. Even if your shared dream is just to “stay married,” that can help reframe your “non-negotiables.” When you’re clear about shared objectives, you cut through the fog of emotion and difference, and the specifics fall more quickly into place.

    Now, back to the story. Here comes the part in where I throw my hands up and say, “I win!”

    I had no desire to ever move to Utah. It wasn’t on my radar. I loved my life, our life, right where we were in Seattle.

    But I was able to compromise without harboring any resentments by focusing on those three truths.

    First, I trusted my husband. I knew him well enough to know he wasn’t chasing prestige or even a paycheck. I also knew that he had my best interests in mind.

    Second, I made sure to share my own thoughts and fears without criticising or getting defensive. I worked hard to stay connected to him even though I wanted badly to put my foot down (which of course wouldn’t have helped).

    Finally, I realized that it wasn’t about “my dream” vs. “his dream.” At that very make or break moment, this was an opportunity to create a new “shared dream.”

    Being honest with myself and my husband, I knew that moving to Utah would be a tough proposition if there was no real, honest, shared meaning in the move.

    I needed to wake up each day, driven and full of purpose to accomplish “our dream.”

    So we created it.

    Our new dream was to spend more time together as a family, and to retire in 10 years. Each day we each make contributions toward this shared dream, and as a result we are closer now than we ever have been.

    In this way, the move to Utah was about something much bigger than geography, or moving just for “a job.” It was about a larger, shared vision of our life together.

    Let me encourage you. Learning how to compromise doesn’t require an epic, life-changing decision. But compromise can be essential when an epic, life-changing, make-it or break-it decision does arise.

    Compromise is not just about the what, but about the how, and the why, and most important, the who (both of you)!

    Whether it’s a question of household chores, or visiting in-laws, or a future job, or whatever, it feels good to “make” the make-or-break moments. I want to hear about where you’ve gotten a win through compromise. Share with me your relationship win and how you made it happen.

    The Marriage Minute is a new email newsletter from The Gottman Institute that will improve your marriage in 60 seconds or less. Over 40 years of research with thousands of couples has proven a simple fact: small things often can create big changes over time. Got a minute? Sign up below.

    Laura Heck, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a private practice in Salt Lake City. Laura co-developed the Seven Principles Leader Training with The Gottman Institute’s Clinical Director Dr. David Penner, and as a Master Trainer for the program, she has trained thousands of people to offer the Gottman Seven Principles Program for couples in their communities. Learn more at her website here.

    Originally published at www.gottman.comWant to improve your marriage in 60 seconds or less? Over 40 years of research with thousands of couples has proven a simple fact: small things often can create big changes over time. Got a minute? Sign up for The Marriage Minute here


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    !2017 – 20 Health Benefits of Turmeric

    reTwogger: 171012tko.

    20 Health Benefits of Turmeric

    Over the years, researchers have been learning more and more about the health benefits of turmeric and its active component, curcumin. It’s been eight years since we first published the 20 Health Benefits of Turmeric and I decided that it’s time for an update with links to the latest studies.

    Turmeric has been used for over 2500 years in India. The health benefits of turmeric have been slowly revealing themselves over the centuries. Long known for its anti-inflammatory properties, recent research has revealed that it can be helpful in the treatment of many different health conditions from cancer to Alzheimer’s disease.

    One thing to take note of is that research has found that consuming black pepper with curcumin increases its bioavailability.

    One of the biggest health benefits of turmeric is in the prevention and treatment of cancer. Research has found that curcumin induces cell death in medulloblastoma, a pediatric brain tumor. Other studies have found that it may induce cell death in glioblastomas, an aggressive type of brain tumor that is resistant to chemo and radiation.

    One study found that turmeric, when combined with cruciferous vegetables, may prevent prostate cancer and stop or slow the growth of existing prostate cancer.

    study found that curcumin caused melanoma cells to commit suicide. Topical curcumin has shown promise in fighting squamous cell carcinoma.

    4). LEUKEMIA
    Curcumin was found to have an inhibitory effect on WT1 gene expression in childhood leukemia cells. A study on Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML) at the University of Palermo in Italy found that mice treated with curcumin developed smaller tumors than the control group.

    French study published in 2014 in Cancer Biology & Therapy found that several different multiple myeloma cell lines were sensitive to curcumin. The study authors concluded that the results indicate more clinical trials are worth doing on curcumin and multiple myeloma. MD Anderson Cancer Research Center at the University of Texas has been studying the effects of curcumin on multiple myeloma for several years. For an interesting anecdotal story of a woman with multiple myeloma who has been keeping her cancer at bay for years using MD Anderson’s curcumin protocol, check out Margaret’s Corner.

    Multiple studies have found that one of the most exciting health benefits of turmeric is the prevention of metastasis, the spread of cancer from the primary site to other areas of the body.

    Cachexia is one of the biggest hurdles for many cancer patients with solid tumors. It causes weight loss and muscle wasting even when large amounts of food are ingested. A Chinese study found that patients with colorectal cancer who were given oral curcumin while waiting to undergo surgery experienced weight gain. The same study also found that curcumin induced cancer cell death in patients with colorectal cancer.

    Researchers at UCLA found that curcumin enhances the effects of cisplatin, a chemotherapy used in the treatment of many different cancers. Cisplatin and curcumin together worked better at suppressing tumors than cisplatin alone. In addition, a study published in the Nutrition and Cancer journal found that curcumin not only makes cancer cells more susceptible to chemo but it also protects healthy cells from the toxic effects of chemo.

    One of the most exciting turmeric benefits is in the realm of brain health. It has long been noted that elderly people in India have low rates of Alzheimer’s disease. One reason may be that they consume a lot of turmeric in their diets. A study found that curcumin may prevent or slow the progression of Alzheimer’s disease by removing amyloyd plaque buildup in the brain.

    10). EYE HEALTH
    A study at the UC San Diego found that curcumin may be able to treat some types of retinitis pigmentosa, a degenerative group of eye diseases that can lead to blindness. Another study found that it may be helpful in the treatment of macular degeneration.

    11). WEIGHT LOSS
    Research has found that curcumin may be a powerful tool in the fight against obesity and its related symptoms. Curcumin reduces leptin resistance, lowers insulin resistance, reverses hyperglycemia, reduces inflammation, and activates fat burning gene signals.

    Curcumin is a natural painkiller and cox-2 inhibitor. One study compared curcumin to ibuprofen for pain relief in knee osteoarthritis patients and found that the curcumin worked just as well as ibuprofen. Several studies have found that curcumin has potent anti-inflammatory properties. According to the Arthritis Foundation, several studies have found turmeric to be effective at reducing joint inflammation and pain, with one of the studies even finding curcumin to be better at reducing pain and swelling in patients with rheumatoid arthritis than diclofenac, an NSAID that is commonly prescribed for people with RA.

    Is your liver taxed to the limit? One of the health benefits of turmeric that is believed to be a natural liver detoxifier. One study found that it may protect against alcohol-induced liver damage as well as damage caused by a high fat diet.

    Curcumin crosses the blood-brain barrier and is a known neuroprotective agent. Several studies have found that curcumin may be beneficial in the treatment of Parkinson’s disease. According to Michigan State University researchers, curcumin can prevent clumping of a protein that leads to Parkinson’s.

    Curcumin has shown promise in slowing the progression of multiple sclerosis. A study at Vanderbilt University found that curcumin prevented the onset of an autoimmune disease in mice that is similiar to MS in humans. In fact, the study authors said that MS is a rare disease in India and China, where turmeric is consumed on a regular basis.

    Oral curcumin has been shown to be effective against psoriasis. The National Psoriasis Foundation recommends turmeric as a natural remedy for psoriasis.

    An Indian study found that curcumin may be an effective treatment for people with major depression. The study compared people who were taking Prozac, curcumin, or Prozac and curcumin together. The group who took Prozac and curcumin together had the best results, while those taking either Prozac or curcumin had very similar results indicating that curcumin may work just as well as Prozac.

    18). H. PYLORI
    Curcumin has been found to stop the growth of H. pylori (helicobacter pylori), a bacterium that is found in the stomach and other parts of the body. If left untreated, it can lead to stomach ulcers and stomach cancer.

    Curcumin may protect against the effects of sleep deprivation. A study found that it prevented anxiety, oxidative damage, and other impairment in mice deprived of sleep for 72 hours.

    Several studies have found that curcumin has antibacterial properties and is useful in disinfecting cuts and burns.

    Turmeric can be taken in powder or capsule form. Capsules are usually sold in 250-500 mg increments.

    Once you start using turmeric on a regular basis, it’s fun to find new ways to use it in recipes. My favorite way to use it is to add a pinch of it to egg salad. It adds a nice flavor and gives the egg salad a rich yellow hue.

    Contraindications: Turmeric should not be used by people with gallstones or bile obstruction. Though turmeric is often used by pregnant women, it is important to consult with a doctor before doing so as turmeric can be a uterine stimulant.

    Ready to enjoy the health benefits of turmeric? Check out our 7 Best Turmeric Supplements and our 6 Best Turmeric Powder Brands to help you decide which ones are right for you.


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    !2017 – @KaramagiAndrew Writes to Yoweri Museveni

    reTwogger: 171011tko.


    By Karamagi Andrew 2017Oct10

    Dear Jajja Museveni, I have just completed the unenviable and painful task of labouring through the statement that was purportedly written by you in response to my brother Robert Kyagulanyi, a youthful legislator, musical genius and leader who commands a national following. Given the generational nature of this debate, I find it important, in my own right as a youthful citizen, and indeed as several other young leaders and citizens have done, to respond.

    Reading your statement was painful and labourious because besides the glaring factual inaccuracies, acute deficiencies in substance and depth and undisguised dishonesty, it falls woefully short of the abilities of the Museveni who wrote the excellent books that contributed to my own political consciousness: Sowing the Mustard Seed, What is Africa’s Problem and the daring Dar es Salaam undergraduate thesis on violence and Franz Fanon’s political theories. In Primary Seven, I also read Ondoga ori Amaza’s thriller: Museveni’s Long March: From Guerilla to Statesman. I re-read that book in Senior Four and only then did I appreciate its depth.

    This is why I think that it is possible that you did not author that piece. If it is you, Gen. Museveni who actually authored it, this is more reason for you to realize that your best days are behind you and you need to pass the baton in preparation for a peaceful retirement during which the country will continue to consult you.

    On the other hand, if the statement was prepared by your Press Pool, then it is equally worrisome that you have chosen to staff the highest office in our land with people who cannot write coherently, with facts and basic argumentation. 

    Worryingly, these are the same people proofreading loan requests, (petroleum) production sharing agreements, draft legislation, sit-reps and other sensitive documents on your behalf! Any wonder why State House and the Office of the President perennially perform so dismally insofar as budget compliance, efficiency and executive policy direction are concerned? If your staff cannot write a mere statement-in-rebuttal, how can we taxpayers trust whatever else they disseminate into the public domain?

    Whichever of the two possibilities as to whom wrote that piece is true, it is self-evident that our country is in need of a serious leadership overhaul, right from your closet which is laden with ill-fitting and badly-tailored suits, shirts and shapeless shoes, through to portfolio holders at the Ministerial, Ambassadorial and other appointive offices. This urgent makeover cannot be steered by you the incumbent Museveni, less so by your acolytes. I need not explain the gravity of this matter, lest I digress.

    Suffice it to note from the outset that the points of contention in this discussion should not be interpreted as a two-man debate between you (Museveni) and Kyagulanyi. This is a contest between the past and the future. It is a crossroads between repression and liberty. The dividing line between the setting sun of Uganda’s fifty four year old mixed record of progress, broken promises and unfulfilled promises and the rising dawn of a new chapter in the lifetime of our country that focuses on harnessing our diversity so as to lead us to a common peace, justice and sustainable development agenda. 

    It is a race towards deliberate and conscious transition from transactional politics to transformational politics; it’s a debate between you the ageing men and women who account for 2% of our population and have squandered the longest uninterrupted period that a post-independence government has been in power (thirty one years—way longer than many of us have been alive). 

    Should it not be shameful enough that we who, in 1986, were either unborn (such as myself), or others who were frolicking infants or crawling toddlers barely able to construct a comprehensible sentence are today engaging with you on radio, television, in the newspapers and debating with you at campaign rallies?! Erias Lukwago was in Primary 4 when you captured power. Constitutional Law Don Dr. Busingye Kabumba, parliamentarians Gerald Gerald K Karuhanga and Robert Kyagulanyi were all 4 year old babies in 1986. Don Wanyama Don Innocent who abuses elders and distinguished citizens on your behalf was just eight. Evelyn Anite was a naked two year old imp, licking mucus as it flowed off her nostrils; today you shamelessly chair the same Cabinet in which she sits. 

    What is it that you haven’t done in three decades (and counting) that you magically want to deliver upon in the next five or ten years? When will you write a biography among other books? How about play with your grandchildren and regal them with stories? Do you not wish to wake up to what I imagine should be the serene silence of your countryside home and not have to worry about thirty five million Ugandans? …or even have time to take Janet out to candlelit dinners behind the setting sun in the evenings and stay up late without worrying about early morning meetings, security briefings and long flights?

    But instead of answering these existential questions we have posed, you have not only gone full throttle towards overthrowing the constitutional order, but like a man possessed, you have resorted to insulting us, locking us up on fabricated and flimsy charges, brutalized us with the tools of violence and labeled us as outlaws and misfits. 

    In your purported response, you repeatedly make mention of “ideology” and “action” but have never been able to articulate what ideology is, much less transform the National Resistance Movement (NRM) into a functional and durable institution so as to ensure that it will survive ending up on the garbage heap of history like Daniel Arap Moi’s Kenya African National Union (KANU) which was run in similar fashion to your NRM.

    At best, the NRM is a one-seater vehicle (not a bus!)—a personality cult—designed to propagate your individual—and a few of your henchmen’s—narrow interests. 

    At worst, the NRM is a consortium of majorly illicit business and ethnic interests anchored by the barrel of the gun.

    There is no ideological standpoint that distinguishes you from the Left, Right or Centre. Indeed you have previously claimed to be multi-ideological and aspired to run a mixed economy—both of which are impossibilities. An ideology cannot be multifaceted. 

    In my estimation, an ideology is both a statement of intent and set practice of conducting the political, economic and social affairs of a given community or society. For example, a look at Milton Obote’s National Development Plan which was titled Work for Progress shows that the Uganda People’s Congress—a socialist democratic party—wanted to establish a developmental state anchored on public amenities with an economy that was rooted in agricultural cooperatives. Julius Nyerere’s Common Man’s Charter was an unequivocal move towards running a socialist republic in Tanzania. The African National Congress of South Africa is also a social democratic party, whose aspirations were born out of the anti-apartheid struggle and quest for racial equality and voting rights. 

    It is not clear to me whether the National Resistance Movement (NRM) is a political party to begin with and if it is a political party, what, if any, its ideological underpinning is. Your writings are heavily Marxist, yet you run our economy in such a recklessly liberal fashion that would startle Milton Friedman, the father of neo-liberal economics. You posture as a pan-African but the Great Lakes Region is bursting at the seams with refugees as a result of your military adventurism and hobnobbing with insurgents like M23 and Salva Kiir’s armed bandits, which you have veiled with American tax dollars as peace-keeping and/or peace-support operations. 

    You have sang the song of value addition in agricultural produce for as long as I can remember yet no tangible interventions (besides gimmicks like NAADS, PMA and the latest Operation Wealth Creation) have been made in terms of budgetary allocation, price floors/ceilings, extension services and cost of production for farmers is concerned. On the question of social amenities, it is also unclear where you stand. Our hospitals have become death traps and none of you ruling this country can step into Mulago for treatment—yet you want our mothers, wives, girlfriends, sisters and daughters to give birth there! In education, we are trailing the region in terms of literacy and comprehension. The same could be said of our country’s nutrition and dietetics. 

    What is the NRM’s ideology, if any? 

    Respectfully, you, Yoweri Museveni and your hatchet men represent the past and the longer you overstay your welcome into that office, the more you erase the contributions you have made over the past three decades. And while we do not purport to have silver bullets to resolve our current healthcare, education, foreign policy and economic challenges, we young leaders are conscious of the fact that the same thinking that created today’s problem cannot correct them.

    For example, no other President or leader except you, anywhere on the planet today (even in the developing world), has launched drip irrigation by plastic water bottles as a solution to abysmal performance in agribusiness and value chain deficits. Plastic bottles, particularly when exposed to direct sunlight, are a medically proven source of carcinogens, toxic compounds that cause cancers! No other President anywhere in the world today has spent their time launching boreholes, water taps, clinics, restaurants, school blocks and roads except you! What should Local Council chairpersons do if you have reduced your office to launching every other small project? This is 2017! 

    If you were running a functional government, you need not have stopped by the roadside to “conduct” investigations into the spate of murders in Entebbe. Does your job description also make you Detective-in-Chief? So much for the gargantuan budget that Kale Kayihura’s Praetorian Guard receives every other financial year—only to squander it by, as retired Police Commissioner Herbert Rheno Karugaba rightly observed, “…turning the Police from the law enforcement institution it is supposed to be into a highly militarized squad specifically aimed at controlling the grey area between crime and politics.”

    Meanwhile, for all their indiscretions, your “sons” Uhuru Kenyatta and Paul Kagame of Kenya and Rwanda respectively have launched large scale investments like high-speed train terminals and air ambulance services, respectively. Both investments are aimed at improving commerce, mass transportation and the welfare of citizens in those our neighbours to the East and South West. 

    One would expect that at this point in the lifetime of our country (and indeed region), you Mr. Museveni would be orbiting the same galaxy with your respected colleagues Mwai Kibaki, Benjamin Mkapa, Hassan Mwinyi, John Kuffuour, Thabo Mbeki, John Rawlings, John Mrisho Kikwete among others who served their respective countries and passed the baton to new leaders—but are nonetheless still consulted on matters of national, regional and continental (even global importance). 

    In equal measure, your departed colleagues like the venerable Julius Nyerere, iconoclasts like John Garang, Jomo Kenyatta, Jaramogi Oginga Odinga, Wangari Mathaai and Nelson Mandela, would look down on you and smile about a continent and people who are moving forward on the path to equitable development and progress. 

    Unfortunately, they must be turning in their graves because you have instead chosen the doomed path of disgraced tyrants and despots like Jean Bodel Bokassa, Hastings Kamuzu Banda, Blaise Compaore, Hosni Mubarak and Abidine Ben Ali. Embarrasingly, for a man who was hailed as one among a new breed of African leaders, you now strikingly resemble the very tyrants you ousted and vehemently criticized, not least the semi-illiterate but fiercely patriotic Idi Amin and your arch-nemesis, founding father and two-time President, Milton Obote. It is an embarrassing spectacle to see you, grandpa Museveni, emulate with mathematical precision and tyrannical ferocity, the people you called swine, murderous and corrupt.

    Yet it is very possible to appreciate how and why you have ended up where you are today. In the absence of Ugandan luminaries like James Wapakhabulo, Miria Matembe, Eriya Kategaya, Dani Nabudere and Bidandi Ssali whom you parted ways with following principled disagreements, the vacuum around you has now been occupied by felons, fraudsters, lackeys, fortune hunters, sorcerers, sycophants and hangers-on of the unhinged Evelyne Anite and the shameless Ibrahim Abiriga breed! Misery indeed loves company.

    The foregoing matters and questions form the basis that we, your great- and grandchildren, have premised our principled disagreement with you upon. Attacking our leader and colleague Robert Kyagulanyi was as uncalled for as it was unfortunate…and it will not resolve the pressing questions of unemployment, healthcare, education and social security that bedevil us every day. His propositions are representative of the aspirations and dreams that we have for our country…which we intend to pursue to a logical conclusion.

    Our views as a generation cannot be washed away by throwing money at us; they cannot be erased by intimidation, nor can they be vapourised by torture or forgotten at the snap of your fingers. 

    Reblogged from: karamagiandrew@gmail.com

    //———-reTwogger: 171011tko.———-

    !2017 – Bobi Wayne”s letter to all young Ugandans

    reTwogger: 171010tko.


    Dear young women and men of Uganda, today our country marks its 55th independence anniversary!

    I feel the urgency to communicate to you on this day, and through this letter on three things; the state of our country, the prospects for the future, and what each one of us must do TODAY to better our destiny. 

    I know this letter is a bit long, but I beg all of us to read it. We should disapprove those who say that in order to hide something from an African you should put it in writing!


    Kyagulanyi Ssentamu Robert- Bobi Wine


    “…..We are that generation. The grandchildren of the independence generation and the grandparents of the future generations….. We must within ourselves find solutions, since our leaders don’t seem to care for the next generation but instead care for the next general-election…… We are the country, we are the future, we are the change we badly need. We are the youngest population in the world, we stand a chance. We are the leaders of the future and the future is today. If we only come together we can change our destiny.” 
    These are some of the lyrics from my song called ‘Uganda’ (ft. Nubian Li).
    Firstly, I commend all of you for the zeal you show each day for a better country. Every day, wherever I go, whenever I read your social media engagements, whenever I tune into the radio and TV- I see a generation which is passionate about their country! 

    I see young men and women who are tired and fed up of a country which does not work for them and a system which is disconnected from their daily realties. 
    The reason why I am writing to you today is because on an almost daily basis, these same young people, who unanimously agree that there is a problem, also ask me the question- “WHAT CAN WE DO?” The state giving up is real. Many have resigned to fate.
    Now, in 1962, exactly 55 years ago, the colonialists handed over this country to our grandparents.  As we all know, as they left, they handed over a country which worked. Infrastructure was in place, having been built by the British- Mulago Hospital, Makerere University, roads, schools, power generating plants etc. 

    Institutions of government functioned- the public service, the police force, public transport, agriculture, etc. Merit was rewarded, mediocrity was shunned – if you worked hard you were rewarded. 

    The ‘colonial’ government gave scholarships to intelligent young people to study here or sent them abroad to further their education and help build the nation upon return, without need to pay any bribe or to go through a ‘big father.’
     Many of us have watched the short video titled ‘Africa’s largest Airport Opened’ in reference to Entebbe Airport when it was first opened. Professor Oloka-Onyango best describes what our country was like at the time in his book ‘Ghosts and the Law’- “The country was thus still in an age of innocence”. 
    Newspapers of the time paint a picture of some kind of tropical paradise, of course with the nickname  ‘Pearl of Africa’…… One could travel from Jinja to Kampala in one hour straight  without meeting a pothole, and all traffic lights in Kampala- which were many more than they are today- worked. 

    The railway network could take you virtually around the whole country. Cinemas existed not only in the capital but in major regional towns.
     Although education had not been universalized via UPE, a student from a rural school in Uganda could favorably compete with a student from the city.

    It seemed like a time of order and tranquil governance; a time of social stability and economic prosperity.” 

    Those who got a copy of the Uganda Argus of October 9th 1962 (reproduced by the New Vision last week) must have read that Education took 27% of the national budget because the government at the time understood that quality education was a precursor to national development and improving the living standards of the people. They did all this, operating with a meagre budget, nothing compared to our present even when the value adjusted to the present. 
    Therefore, when our forefathers agitated for independence before and in 1962, their problem was not poor service delivery or a failed system. They were simply agitating for self-governance. They wanted to free themselves and their children from the indignity of being ruled over by the ‘white man.’ 

    They understood that having good infrastructure, excellent service delivery and a functioning healthcare without political freedom meant nothing. To them, it was important to have both economic development while at the same time exercising their God-given right to self-determination! They wanted a black man or woman on the steering wheel of the country because they thought ‘Our own shall not betray us. Our own shall not enslave us. Our own shall be accountable to us.” Therefore, Independence Day was celebrated with pomp and flair. 
    For the new Uganda, some lyrics of the national anthem went like this;  “United, free for liberty together we’ll always stand. Oh Uganda, the land of freedom, Our love and labor we give….In peace and friendship we’ll live.” 

    These lyrics echoed the kind of hope our forefathers had for this country. As they watched the Union Jack (British flag) go down and our Ugandan flag rise up- their hearts were filled with joy and anxiety. They visioned  a better future for their children and their grandchildren- which is our generation.

    They could never imagine that anyone- let alone their own black-man would ever step on and undermine the sweat, labor and in some cases blood, which they expended to create the nation of Uganda!
    We all know what has happened to our country for the past 55 years. We have all witnessed the crushed promise- captured very well in the preamble to the 1995 Constitution, a history characterized by political and constitutional instability, tyranny, oppression and exploitation. The shattered hope!
    In 2017, it is not yet Uhuru! True independence still eludes us. The good which the colonialists left has long been destroyed and the freedom which our forefathers struggled to give us only remains in song. It is shameful- a serious indictment on our leaders that many Africans, many Ugandans would rather have the colonialist rule over them than have one of their own who disrespects them in every way.
    Yes, some progress has been made- but as if we live under a spell, there have always been people in these 55 years who are enemies of progress. They work so hard to destroy the little we have achieved and throughout our history, we have often times had to start afresh! 
     Mothers die in child birth, unemployment is everyone’s, the healthcare system is sick, corruption is the headline, the national debt has already placed a charge on our unborn children and grandchildren. The economic models are just irrelevant for the present times.
    I watch with misery thousands of young Ugandans who struggle to get onto that plane to go and give their labor abroad- many times in great suffering. We have seen stories of young girls who go to find a job only to be turned into sex slaves and sometimes tortured to death.
     We all know that doctor or nurse who had to leave Uganda for greener pastures; even in other African countries! Although they would love to remain here and serve their people who are in great need, the system doesn’t appreciate their services. Poverty is appalling. Only last month, Uganda Bureau of Statistics (UBOS), a government agency, announced that 10 million Ugandans now live in poverty, and the numbers have not been reducing but increasing. 3.4 million of our people have slipped into poverty since 2012! Our GDP growth stands at a mere  3.9%! 
    As the gun reigns supreme, those who hold it- our brothers and sisters in the forces are equally hit hard (and sometimes harder) by these same unfortunate conditions. 
    30 has become the new 18. Previously, young people were able to stand on their own at 18 years of age, today, majority can hardly find their feet until about 30 or more. 

    Even then, most are glad to be underemployed, and only very few are able to find befitting employment. 
    The education system is dead. The curriculum is not relevant to the needs of this generation. Only last week, a World Bank development report (Published in the Daily Monitor) revealed that at least 80% of pupils in Primary Two in Uganda cannot perform a two-digit subtraction, and 61% cannot read a single word of a short sentence! 

    Uganda, according to the report, is the second country in the whole world with pupils who cannot count. Yet these children everyday sing – “We young women and men of Uganda, are marching along the path of education singing and dancing with joy together uniting for a better Uganda. We are the pillars of tomorrow’s Uganda…. Let us rise now embrace true knowledge yielding disciplined resourcefulness to rebuild a great, great Pearl!”…Empty words!
     Many studying on a hungry stomach, under trees and in most cases being taught by equally hungry teachers! This is the country in which our children are born in!  Apart from very few, many of us understand the struggles our parents or guardians have gone through to raise us in this country. And indeed, we each understand the struggles we go through every day to afford a decent life in mother Uganda. Individuals and families are working so hard but the returns are too low. The phrase ‘times are hard’ used to be seasonal but it is now a daily for most of our people- January to December, times are hard! 
    Constitutionalism and the rule of law remains an aspiration. We are constantly reminded that power originates from and is sustained through the gun! We, the people cannot express ourselves freely. We cannot assemble freely. Political leaders who oppose the status quo cannot move freely in their country. This is not yet Uhuru. This is not the freedom our fathers bestowed upon us.
    I can go on and on but we must not just lament. I have delved into the history and the present to try and put things into context. But I know that we all understand what is at stake. I just want each one of us to ask the one fundamental question – “What went wrong?” We well know that many African countries started with Uganda, some starting on an even worse footing than us- but now more than double us in terms of GDP growth and their people live in tranquility, dignity and freedom. The answer and indeed the only difference between countries which have seen the fruits of independence and those which have not lies in only one word- LEADERSHIP. 

    How a country is governed determines if it will succeed. Patriotic, selfless, courageous and competent leaders who put their country first, made progress for their people. And the opposite is true. As Proverbs 29:2 says, “When the righteous reign, people rejoice. But when the wicked rule, people groan.”
    My message to you young Ugandans is this, the responsibility to build or fail your country lies completely with you! 

    As Frantz Fanon says, “Each generation must discover its mission, fulfill it, or betray it.” 

    John F. Kennedy also said, “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.”  
    Can we therefore stop lamenting only and think about what we can individually and collectively do to redeem this country and set it on a path to true independence? Can each one of us ask this noble question- “What kind of country do I want my child to grow in? What can I do to create that country?”  As a generation, what shall we be remembered for? For looking on while our country went to the dogs or for standing up for what we believed was right?
    Some of us continue to support a system and politicians who we know are not working for us. We align ourselves with leaders who only use us to get into positions of leadership only to forget us and return to us in the next election! All over the continent of Africa, we have seen wars and conflict spearheaded by young people. Who are they working for? Some greedy, power-hungry maniacs who are not bothered at all about them but about themselves and their own children! 
    Like the proverbial grasshoppers which fight amongst themselves in a bottle, we often forget what the real problem is and turn against each other for petty reasons. Even from debates on social media, you see forces in disarray- young Ugandans insulting each other because they belong to different tribes, religion or political parties etc… Yet these two young men or young women share the same challenges and problems every day. They are both unemployed, they both struggle to put food on the table; they both struggle to raise some little money to help parents or guardians who brought them up; and when they fall sick, both have to be admitted in some dilapidated hospital! 

    Rather than fight amongst ourselves and seek the attention and small favors from people whose cause we do not belong to; rather than continue to be used to fight other people’s wars, let us envision the kind of Uganda we want, and embark on building it. 
    We must never forget that about four decades ago, young people in Uganda faced similar dilemmas that we face today. They had a choice to make. They refused to sit down and fold their hands and watch as the country went to the dogs. We are once again at that point. Our generation does not have to resort to violence because as we have seen violence begets violence and the cycle never ends. But we can do something to refocus the direction of our country! 
    Young people ended apartheid, young people marched against slavery, and yes, young people fought for Africa’s independence. 

    We should remember that there are some generations in this country which have been bypassed- which have not played any contribution to the development of this country.

     If we do not make a conscious decision today, we may become one of them. The Obote, Kiwanuka generation fought for Independence, the Museveni generation fought against instability rising out of bad politics. There is a generation which came after-  people who are presently in their late 40s and 50s. That generation did not play a decisive role. They are approaching the evening of their years, and those who I speak with, regret the missed opportunity to substantially contribute to this nation’s development. They were told that they were leaders of tomorrow. They waited for that tomorrow, and it never came!
    Remember this- we shall not be young forever- not even much longer. 
    The statistics are clear. They are on our side! The median age of Uganda is 15. More than 77% of the people are below 30 years of age, and over 80% below 35 years of age! 

    The average age of our cabinet ministers is about 65 and the young people continue to be sidelined.

     Rather than demand for and take their place in shaping their country, the majority continue to beg for handouts from the minority- turning themselves into subjects of patronage. 
    Out of the many intelligent, young Ugandans with great potential, it is the likes of Hon. Evelyn Anite and Hon. Ronald Kibuule who get appointed become ministers-  to represent this generation!
     This should and must bother us! It saddens me that our leaders are always on the plane visiting countries which with even fewer resources and less opportunities have been able to work for their people and make great strides. And yet, they return here to superintend over this mess!
    Let me also speak to you, young people who live in some bit of comfort which has made you complacent. Some of us are luckier than the majority in this country. We are doctors, lawyers, musicians, bankers, insurers, IT specialists, economists, engineers,etc. We often feel comfortable and because we can afford some basics of life, we have become depoliticized. The temporary comfort has blinded us to the bigger picture and to the problems of our country. 

    Our silence in the face of injustice is loud. Our inaction is costly. Many of us do not even vote! By so doing we do not only betray our generation and country, but the effects of a badly run country will soon catch up with us. Assuming you were driving upcountry and you are involved in an accident and there is no ambulance or there is no blood in the nearby hospital (if there is one)- all of a sudden your disinterest becomes costly. If you’re a lawyer and the country’s Constitution is constantly undermined, sooner than later you may have no job. 

    Therefore the struggle for a better country must involve all of us- men and women, young and old, from rural and urban areas, educated and not educated, ALL OF US. 
    Our country is endowed with enormous natural and human resources. There is no aspiration we cannot achieve, no height we cannot reach, no obstacle we cannot overcome. LET US UNITE, determine and purpose to take the long tiresome journey to make this country better.
     We must build a country which works for everyone. Where merit is rewarded. Where if you work so hard you are 100% sure that you will succeed. Where all persons are equal before and under the law. Where freedom of expression and assembly are respected and protected. Where a national Constitution is indeed supreme, popular and durable.  Where all persons are proud to be called UGANDANS. 
    I will repeat that this is achievable. And this won’t come from any politician. Not from any leader- not even me. We should not wait for another prophet. It all begins and ends with ‘WE THE PEOPLE”

    Your friend and comrade,

    *Kyagulanyi Ssentamu Robert- Bobi Wine*

    //———-reTwogger: 171010tko.———-

    !2017 – Uganda a Failed Corrupt State for 31 Years.

    reTwogger: 171010tko. 


    By Hon. Odonga Otto

    Mr president I hope this article will find you in good health. Moments before you read your 30th Independence Day speech tomorrow do reflect on these issues:
    1. In 1980 I travelled from Gulu to Kampala by rail, there was a clear rail network from Pakwach to Tororo Jinja etc but in 2017 there is nothing save for a train carrying people from Nambole to Kampala. The bogus Rift Valley Railway (contract now  terminated) and standard gauge railway may never come to see light of day.

    2. When growing up i knew of our parents were working with: Union, Lint Marketing foods and beverages, grain milling, mulco and pamba, nytil among others today there is nothing.  Your government destroyed all these things that they were a basis for UPC strong hold.

    Unkindly all these assets were sold off in the name of privatisation and the buyer was the seller.

    3. Our fore President formed the Uganda Commercial Bank and had assets in Gulu, Mbarara, Lira and all the major towns of Uganda. You sold not only the businesses but even the buildings, UCB now Cham towers the annex was donated as a Christmas gift.

    4. In 1984 I boarded Uganda airlines from Kampala to Gulu as one of the “Negri boys” there was a clear network of internal flights country wide, today there is none and you have no shame seeing Kenya airways and Rwanda air docking next to you in state house.

    5. There was a clear human settlement Patten: 

    Gowan  quarters , Senior quarters etc. You sold all those properties and today there are no properly  addressed settlements. Government properties in Kololo have been “sold”and we know the sitting landlords.

    6. Kilembe mines is no more not even to shoot a bad Hollywood movie. Kasese a bustling town and an axis of employment for all tribes  is now a cemetery for those killed by your errant Brigadier Elwelu.

    7. Uganda Electricity Board UEB that employed Ugandans is no more it was privatised to a 99% South African government company ESKOM & UMEME. This is an admission by your government that its not a better manager like South African government, Imagine a government privatising to another government. Uganda electricity tariff is now the second most expensive in the world.

    8. Diary corporation was sold by your government for 1 US dollars (1800 shillings then), today milk is being supplied by your people  who get white tax free number plates and the milk is treated  with (formaldehyde) the same materials for treating dead bodies so that it does not get bad.

    9. Uganda in the 1960s, there was a deliberate policy to study  across Uganda. My late dad studied in St. Leos  Fort Portal all the way from Pader…schools like Ntare, Comboni College, Ombachi, Mvara, Nabisunsa, Mwiri, Kisubi College, Namagunga, Namilyango, Kabalega, Nabbingo among others were hubs for educating Ugandans, today 2017 one can study from nursery to the university in the same village, how do you expect national unity?

    10. During Amin’s time the army band would  traverse the country to play music to Ugandans, today all members of the UPDF band have joined in beating the peaceful demonstrators on the streets. The army is seen as a terror group.

    11. Scholarships in the 60s ware random, the poor and  rich had an equal opportunity. The Uganda police(in their dark blue uniforms) in 1980 would ride a bicycle in a whole village to look for a child who had won a scholarship, today in 2017 you have to bribe someone to get a scholarship. Looking at the list of state house scholarships, one would think it is an affirmative action plan to favour one region. 

    12. Uganda in 2017 is the only country where Government pays rent in its own property. A whole committee of parliament failed to establish who collects the rent.

    13. President Amin left 27 properties in the United kingdom alone today all have been sold save for the two remaining in the Traffalgar square and the residence of the ambassador. In Belgium where  I travelled, Uganda’s property is in a sorry state and neighbours have demonstrated that the Uganda’s property is lowering the sale value in the area. Transoceanic lands  In Kenya and Nigeria have all been sold by your people.

    14. Mr President, Tanzania had 200,000 Rwandese refugees in a refugee camp, they were told to leave Tanzania, Uganda absorbed all of them, they all now have national IDs. The parliament of Uganda created a land fund to buy land. The question is to buy land for who? which Ugandan is landless? Uganda is the only country in the world where refugees don’t live in refugee camps. Foreigners own land contrary to the law.  

    Mr president you may read the independence speech tomorrow but you are a failure Togikwatako .

    Many more independence speeches will be read after you,

    Uganda did not start with  you and it will not end with you Mr. Museveni.

    Hon. Odonga otto 

    MP Aruu county

    //———-reTwogger: 171010tko.———-

    !2017 – Reverend Edward Otim Prayers at new  Mukono home 171005

    reTwogger: 171009tko

    By: Reverend Patrick Otim:

    Reading and Teaching by Reverand Edward Otim when he came to pray in the house

    1-Mathew 7:24-27

    Matthew 7:24-27New King James Version (NKJV)

    Build on the Rock

    24 “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: 25 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.

    26 “But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand:

    27 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.

    2-Joshua 24:14-16

    Joshua 24:14-16New International Version (NIV)

    14 “Now fear the Lord<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-6491A” data-link=”(A)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”> and serve him with all faithfulness.<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-6491B” data-link=”(B)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”> Throw away the gods<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-6491C” data-link=”(C)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”> your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt,<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-6491D” data-link=”(D)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”> and serve the Lord15 But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites,<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-6492E” data-link=”(E)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”> in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household,<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-6492F” data-link=”(F)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”>we will serve the Lord.”<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-6492G” data-link=”(G)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”>

    16 Then the people answered, “Far be it from us to forsake<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-6493H” data-link=”(H)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”> the Lord to serve other gods!

    3-Numbers 6:1-8

    Numbers 6:1-8New International Version (NIV)

    The Nazirite

    The Lord said to Moses, “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘If a man or woman wants to make a special vow<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-3826A” data-link=”(A)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”>, a vow of dedication<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-3826B” data-link=”(B)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”> to the Lord as a Nazirite,<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-3826C” data-link=”(C)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”> they must abstain from wine<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-3827D” data-link=”(D)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”> and other fermented drink and must not drink vinegar<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-3827E” data-link=”(E)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”> made from wine or other fermented drink. They must not drink grape juice or eat grapes<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-3827F” data-link=”(F)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”> or raisins. As long as they remain under their Nazirite vow, they must not eat anything that comes from the grapevine, not even the seeds or skins.

    “‘During the entire period of their Nazirite vow, no razor<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-3829G” data-link=”(G)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”> may be used on their head.<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-3829H” data-link=”(H)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”>They must be holy until the period of their dedication to the Lord is over; they must let their hair grow long.

    “‘Throughout the period of their dedication to the Lord, the Nazirite must not go near a dead body.<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-3830I” data-link=”(I)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”> Even if their own father or mother or brother or sister dies, they must not make themselves ceremonially unclean<span class=”crossreference” data-cr=”#cen-NIV-3831J” data-link=”(J)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”>on account of them, because the symbol of their dedication to God is on their head.Throughout the period of their dedication, they are consecrated to the Lord.

    New International Version (NIV)

    //———-reTwogger: 171009tko———-

    !2017 – The New Tastament’s Four Horsemen

    reTwooger: 171005tko. 

    The four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling

    Pay close attention the next time you find yourself engaged in a difficult conversation with your partner, a friend, or even with your children.

    The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament. They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively. Dr. Gottman uses this metaphor to describe communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship.

    The first horseman of the apocalypse is criticism. Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. The latter two are about specific issues, whereas the former is an ad hominem attack. It is an attack on your partner at the core. In effect, you are dismantling his or her whole being when you criticize.

    • Complaint: “I was scared when you were running late and didn’t call me. I thought we had agreed that we would do that for each other.”
    • Criticism: “You never think about how your behavior is affecting other people. I don’t believe you are that forgetful, you’re just selfish! You never think of others! You never think of me!”

    If you find that you are your partner are critical of each other, don’t assume your relationship is doomed to fail. The problem with criticism is that, when it becomes pervasive, it paves the way for the other, far deadlier horsemen. It makes the victim feel assaulted, rejected, and hurt, and often causes the perpetrator and victim to fall into an escalating pattern where the first horseman reappears with greater and greater frequency and intensity.

    The second horseman is contempt. When we communicate in this state, we are truly mean – treating others with disrespect, mocking them with sarcasm, ridicule, name-calling, mimicking, and/or body language such as eye-rolling. The target of contempt is made to feel despised and worthless.

    “You’re ‘tired?’ Cry me a river. I’ve been with the kids all day, running around like mad to keep this house going and all you do when you come home from work is flop down on that sofa like a child and play those idiotic computer games. I don’t have time to deal with another kid – try to be more pathetic…”

    In his research, Dr. Gottman found that couples that are contemptuous of each other are more likely to suffer from infectious illness (colds, the flu, etc.) than others, as their immune systems weaken! Contempt is fueled by long-simmering negative thoughts about the partner – which come to a head in the perpetrator attacking the accused from a position of relative superiority. Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce according to Dr. Gottman’s work. It must be eliminated.

    The third horseman is defensiveness. We’ve all been defensive. This horseman is nearly omnipresent when relationships are on the rocks. When we feel accused unjustly, we fish for excuses so that our partner will back off. Unfortunately, this strategy is almost never successful. Our excuses just tell our partner that we don’t take them seriously, trying to get them to buy something that they don’t believe, that we are blowing them off.

    • She: “Did you call Betty and Ralph to let them know that we’re not coming tonight as you promised this morning?”
    • He: “I was just too darn busy today. As a matter of fact you know just how busy my schedule was. Why didn’t you just do it?”

    He not only responds defensively, but turns the table and makes it her fault. A non-defensive response would have been:

    “Oops, I forgot. I should have asked you this morning to do it because I knew my day would be packed. Let me call them right now.”

    Although it is perfectly understandable for the male to defend himself in the example given above, this approach doesn’t have the desired effect. The attacking spouse does not back down or apologize. This is because defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner.

    The fourth horseman is stonewalling. Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction. In other words, stonewalling is when one person shuts down and closes himself/herself off from the other. It is a lack of responsiveness to your partner and the interaction between the two of you. Rather than confronting the issues (which tend to accumulate!) with our partner, we make evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, acting busy, or engaging in obsessive behaviors. It takes time for the negativity created by the first three horsemen to become overwhelming enough that stonewalling becomes an understandable “out,” but when it does, it frequently becomes a habit.

    Pay close attention the next time you find yourself engaged in a difficult conversation with your partner, a friend, or even with your children. See if you can spot any of The Four Horsemen, and try to observe their effects on the people involved.

    Being able to identify The Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to eliminating them, but this knowledge is not enough. To drive away destructive communication patterns, you must replace them with healthy, productive ones. Click here to learn about the antidotes.

    Ellie Lisitsa is a staff writer at The Gottman Institute and a regular contributor to The Gottman Relationship Blog. Ellie is pursuing her B.A. in Psychology with an emphasis on Cognitive Dissonance at Reed College in Portland, Oregon.

    Originally published at www.gottman.comWant to improve your marriage in 60 seconds or less? Over 40 years of research with thousands of couples has proven a simple fact: small things often can create big changes over time. Got a minute? Sign up for The Marriage Minute here


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    //———reTwooger: 171005tko.