reBlogged: 161104tko. (mt)
#Veryyyyy long post alert
Hi Sophia, I am an avid but silent follower of Mama Tendo foundation , whenever I have some free time it’s my go to page to pass my time.
Today let me tell you my story..
So I met John (not his real name) when I was at the peak of my career, I had just completed my 2nd masters degree, playing around with the idea of going for a PHD, I was heading a dynamic team at work, I had it all career-wise, then I met John and he literally swept me off my feet and I was hooked. We had a whirl wind romance for 2 years after which he proposed to me and we had a great wedding 6 months later.
A few months after our wedding I discovered to both our joy that I was expecting our first child, now it had always been my dream to stay home with my children when the time came that’s why I did everything I had dreamt about career wise before I started dating seriously, I didn’t ever want to feel like was missing out on anything by choosing to stay home and raise my children by myself..
John had no problem with it, in fact he welcomed the idea whole heartedly. So after I gave birth I stayed home with our first son and even with the next two boys that followed. I was a full time mother and wife.
After my last boy went off to school, I was ready to go back to work but my search proved fruit less, people had moved on basically.
So after a few attempts at getting employment and failed, my elder brother floated the idea of starting a business. I spoke to John and he liked the idea, only challenge was the capital to start the business. The kind of business I wanted required quite an amount to get it up and running and John just didn’t have that kind of money. So after an agonizing process of trying to look for money in vain, we decided to make the risky move of selling our house and starting the business. People called us crazy but John believed in me and he knew how hardworking I was.
So we sold our house and luck would have it, a friend of John had just been transferred to another country and he was moving with his family, so he let us move into his house and pay him rent at a very subsidized rate.
So I threw myself into getting the business up and running, I was the first in and the last out, Monday to Sunday. I missed my children, my children missed me, I was working like a dog. I think during that time we spent like almost a year outside any intimacy with John. I was that busy.
After a year, my hard work paid off, business started pouring in, we were getting contracts from every corner. Business was good, so good that we immediately bought land and started building a house as soon as the profits started rolling in.
After a while, the house was complete, the business was running smoothly, my husband decided to leave his job and join the business and I was Ok with that because it meant more time with my boys, my home, my marriage and myself. I was even considering enrolling for a business course. So he came in and took up a half of the responsibility that I had before.
Everything was going smoothly at home and at work, we had even hired extra help at work. Business was booming, my children were doing well in school, we had more family time together. It was all good-or so I thought.
So one evening, John comes back and asks to speak to me in the bedroom, the boys were doing their homework, so we went to the bedroom. He without any shame tells me how he had fallen in love with someone else and that I had to leave the house because she was moving in and she wanted their unborn child to grow up with both its parents living under the same roof! Sophia I died, I then asked him why she had to come into my house, he said that the other woman wanted that house and oh, I shouldn’t take my car either, she wanted that too…I first laughed and told him to stop attempting to act Nigerian movies. He told me that he was as serious as a heart attack and that the woman was outside in his cat waiting for me to leave so that she can move in. I seriously thought I was on New Ugandan version of punked, a bad April fool’s day joke or in a Nigerian movie!
So I call my elder brother and briefly told him what was going on, he told me he was on his way over but that I should in the meantime be packing my stuff and that whatever I did, I wasn’t to leave my boys behind! (As if I would). When I told John tht I was taking the boys, he said it was Ok. Much as i was dying inside i wasnt going to give John the satisfaction of seeing me cry or plead or resist leaving the house worse still with his side dish outside? Never!! I swallowed My humiliation, anger, shock, heartache and pain and started packing our stuff. When my brother finally showed up, I had already packed all our stuff, he took it out to his car and we walked out, as I passed my husband’s car, I looked inside to see the woman and it was a girl from work, the receptionist. I wanted the ground to just swallow me up but I held my head high and walked to my brother’s car and we left.
So next day my brother went to see John, thinking maybe John was willing to listen to reason but what ever happened I have never found out but all my brother told me when he came back was that he was giving me 1 week to ‘grieve’ over my marriage, that I was to do whatever I wanted to get over whatever had happened and make peace with it. He told me to go to our village home which was where our parents stayed before they died leaving just the two of us. He said I needed to cry, scream, pray, whatever away from my boys. So I left him with my boys and went to the village, I was there with just the house care taker and herdsmen…all I did was cry, cry and then cry some more, so much so that the care taker called my brother worried about me. After 3 days, I decided I had shed enough tears over John, so i decided slowly by slowly to let him go, the pain and heartache was replaced by anger and strong resolve…at the end of the week I was nolonger a wreck but atleast I could think about John without bursting into tears, that was real progress…
When I got back, my brother asked me what I wanted to do, I told him I was done with John but I wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily because I heard that he wanted a divorce..So I told my brother it was time to fight..
First order of business was the business, I went back to work, when I got there, I found John’s gal friend in my office, occupying my car parking slot in the building basement, remember she had taken my car as well as my home. I played it cool and went to John and asked him to get her out of my office, he was so surprised to see me at work and started stammering saying he thought I had also left the company and was telling that I should go back home and that he would sort things out and call me.
I laughed in his face, I told him that he could mess with anything else but my boys and my money-those two were no go areas. So I told him I had left my home, marriage and car as he had ordered but I would be damned if I was going to leave a business I started. I told him hell would have to first freeze over before I walked away..I spoke so quietly that he immediately went and asked her to leave and pacified her by putting for her a desk and chair in his office…So they were sharing an office.
Next was getting full custody of the boys, so I went to John’s office and asked him to sign some papers giving me full custody of the boys, legal rights over them etc. ..in the small print the lawyer had also stated that also had full control over the boys’ shares in the company as well. John didn’t get to read or even hesitate to sign because his woman was watching him like a hawk.
That done, I now had majority shares in the company which in effect put me in charge. I wanted to fire that woman immediately but my brother told me that if I did, I would be making life easy for John. So I left her. Everyone at work knew what was going on in our private and professional lives but I didn’t care. I was a woman on a mission.
Things became so hard for John at work having both myself and his new ‘wife’ in the same company more so given that I was in charge. After a while, his woman told him that she hadn’t signed up to be second best again. So she told him that she wanted her own company to run and be the boss. She put him on so much pressure and he approached me asking me to buy him out, when we started we both had 50/50%, that’s the amount of money that we both put in. I consulted my brother who also made the necessary legal consultations, I didn’t have enough and he lent me some money and I bought John out.
He left to start his own business but put his ‘wife’ in charge. He didn’t know what I had put in when I started the company, I had alot of help from my brother and his contacts plus I worked really really hard but for her she immediately employed people to do the work while she went off shopping or visiting friends while flashing het business card that said C.E.O on it. She even brought me one some time but with time that business collapsed because neither of them knew what it meant starting up that kind of business. They decided that they would be my business competitors, forgetting that I had been longer in the game and I had my brother behind me.
After the business collapsed they had this bright idea to refinance the business by selling the house like we did at the start of my business but because it was a matrimonial house, John needed my consent because it was in both our names, when he approached me I accepted to sell but on condition that I got what was due to.me, which was 50%, he agreed, papers signed and my brother made sure that I got my share without any foolery.
After he John got his share, he handed it over to his ‘wife’ again to start all over but she instead ‘invested’ it in some Congo gold scam and they lost everything..
When she discovered that she had been fleeced, she disappeared leaving John with debts, 2 young children to care for, jobless, in a rented house, she even swept the house clean of everything apart from his and his daughters clothes. Everything else gone. He tried to follow her up at the police and failed. John had nothing. He tried to look for jobs, went to his relatives who he used to help when he had money but much as they sympathized with him, they couldn’t help. They advised him to come back to me on his knees and they were sure I would accept him back because “women are forgiving, he was still my husband, he was a man and so I should understand that men will.always be men’…hehe
He had the audacity to actually come to my home with his nonsense of he was sorry, he had been tempted, he knew I still loved him…and some other bull shit. .
I matched him out of my house and even served him with divorce papers..
So he went to my brother begging him to speak to me ‘his wife’, My brother almost beat him infront of his daughters. John told my brother that he had nowhere to go, he had been thrown out of the house because of none payment of rent. No relative or friend was willing to house them..So my brother took his daughters from him and stayed over night with them but asked John to leave.
The next day my brother brought the gals to.me and asked me to.take them in, at first my instinct was to throw them out but my brother asked me to consider them as orphans that I was opening my home to, and blast my heart when I looked at them I felt so sorry, they looked under fed, unkempt, miserable and hungry. My boys were already fussing over them like they were some kittens they had found. So I agreed to take them in because I had the room, I could afford to look after them plus my brother asked me to consider it as a favour to him.
The gals have thrived under my roof, they started school, my boys fuss over them like they’re some kind of delicate China. They call me ‘mummy’. They go to the same school like my boys, everything my boys have, they have as well.
John has never contacted me again , he signed the divorce papers and gave them to my brother. Although i heard that he finally managed to get a job. He knows I have his daughters but he has never called to find out how they’re.
I have also never heard from their mum either although I heard a rumour that she married some muzungu pensioner and moved to.Sweden.
I met a great man who happens to be widower with 2 children who has no interest in getting married again and neither do I. So am happy to just be in a relationship with him. My boys have a father figure in my brother, their uncle, the cool uncle they call him, I sat them down and explained to them the best i felt they could understand at their age about what happened between their father and myself. They seemed to understand because they stopped asking about John, they’ve their uncle in case they need a man’s guidance.
Now I realize that my story is not inspirational or heart warming but not every story has a happy ending and my level of intolerance for cheating and bull shit is up there. So no story of forgiveness, praying, patience and happily ever after here.